You see it
You like it
It’s pretty
You buy it
It seems to pause
It’s just your denial
You fade it out
With broken smiles
It’s coming back
It never left
You try to calm down
And take deep breaths
You look again
You’re hurting yourself
You ignore the facts
And look at the shelf
Yet again
You pretend
A vicious cycle
That never ends
You see it
You like it
It’s pretty
You buy it
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,115 Literary Works • 673,019 Reviews
Hey
I don't usually like these kind of poems as i like big chunks of writing...BUT this is a exception i think the fact the each sentences was short and snappy makes the effects on the reader more achievable. Im glad that you used proper grammar and spelled everything correctly (As far as i can tell , correct me if im wrong.)
Overall i just enjoyed the whole poem and found it extremely interesting.
Hope you enjoyed my feedback ,
-Angel ^--^
I really like this poem it was a bit short longer then mine but yet everyone can relate. I really like the working of it that really shows the buy it cycle and as you said it was a quick thing and in that time you made a really good poem in a little time that got to the point in the end and it is good. Everyone gets things that they don't really need but of coarse they want so they get it. Overall it was a well written poem that even maby you did not think a lot about it but it terned out good. Can't wait to see more.
It's pretty - I just think it's too soft spoken. Like you said, I understand it was written quickly, but I it's lacking a depth that as I reader I am looking for. I understand where you're coming from, but I don't get where you're going with it. The middle is too vague, you should say what is coming back, or what makes you have to calm down. Hint at it if you don't want to give it away. It definetly has potential.
Thank you so much for commenting! I'm just a little bit torn, though. I understand where you're coming from, but sometimes if poems are too specific it makes them less open for interpretation and also less relatable, which is something that I really want. But in terms of it being too soft spoken, could you elaborate a bit? I'm not sure that I know exactly what you meant.