Once you let me go

I can still feel her pain, even though she is the one that carries my heart. How can that be. That even 60 years later I feel her hand holding me to life. Her tears are melting my vision. Her cry piercing my ears. She has never forgiven me

Every night her eyes glare at that picture by her bed stand, of that day, the day everything changed. “Don’t let go”. Her pale faces half in shadows seems to not be able to deviate, as her long fingers gently outline the thinning jaw line of the boy. “You can’t leave me". She lies down on her bed beside her husband and stares at the picture. “Do you not love me?“

I look at that picture like a reflection in the mirror. She is just the same, those piercing brown eyes that contorted me in my sleep. Those soft hands that caressed my head after countless hours of chemo. 60 years have loosened her skin, what would I have been. I remember that day like no second has passed, as if it had just taken place.

The last thing I saw was my hand slipping from her tight grip. Then it was white. I t was like that for a while, and then I saw her again, I saw her let go. I saw her tears fall upon my face, oh what would I have done in order to feel them. Her lips pressed against my forehead, and I dreamed of that touch. Slowly she closed my eyes and yet I could see everything.

I had been in that place for a while. It was weird to escape. Yet I almost wished to be back. I had been sentenced to life in prison since the age of 3, when they caught me having stolen all the lights in a tree. One MRI and there it was everywhere, they had figured out what I had been hiding. From there it began, the life of a prisoner, no hair was the uniform with red bands around our wrists we sat in circles and thought of why we were depressed. Was I truly depressed, well I had no more reason to live, I knew I was to die, but yet again doesn’t everyone know, so yeah I was depressed but isn’t everyone? I guess what always keeps me going is that one person and for me it was her. Look at her smile, God I would give anything to run towards that hug, as her seconds feel like minutes. She hits my body like a bullet that I would take again and again. That warm embrace, her brown eyes and the sound of her laughter. My sister, together since our mothers womb. She couldn’t stay long. Her friend was about to pick her up. But we talk for what felt like instants, although in truth it was hours. She closed the door with her eyes attached to me. If only I had known.

I don’t know what happened next but a chain of events are now messed up in my mind.It wasn’t true, well at least not yet.My mom rushed into the room screaming and crying, but I could not make up the words. I heard a commotion in the hallway.The news report, showed a wreck. My dad ran out the room. It wasn’t happening. Someone was getting in to the intensive care ward. A girl.

This was the order, all at once, and at once there was none

I ran to her room, but even people in wheel chairs passed me. I could see the room, I could feel her, but yet I could go in. So i waited and I waited and I heard the news.

She has no heart. I asked myself how could the most loving person on earth no longer have a heart. I didn’t get it. Why her?

My mind couldn’t stop thinking, but then i realized something

I decided to give her something she could never thank me for and I didn’t realize how much it would hurt her.

When I told my mo she hugged me and told me it was sweet that I cared for my sister as much as I did. But she did not take me seriously. You may have guessed. I was gonna give my heart.

I protested, it would be better to lose one child rather than two, even though the other one may live a little less. However, I was gonna die anyway, I didn’t mind giving a couple of months for years for my sister.

What could I do to convince my mom, and then I realized that if she wasn’t my mom there would be nothing she could do.

Emancipation; that was the word, the biggest word I had ever learned.

And suddenly i was labeled into this very long word

My mom couldn’t stop crying but in one way or another she knew I had to die to rescue my sister. He tear blurred my vision or maybe it was the anesthetics, but I still remember her face of tears.

The room is white and touching my hand is an angel, well she would have been. she looks up at me and she gives me a check on the kiss.

She asks why

That is the most complicated question humanity faces

Why do we love?

I really don’t know but I touch her heart.

Her voice is screaming begging me not to let her go, I hold on to machines and my heart in her chest.

But the time comes and I say you will walkways have a part of me, and there it goes the screaming the crying and the confusion

As I come back too this story everyday I know why I can still see you,

because you never let me go..