Fixing You

Barry

I think I've become addicted to staring at the ceiling. When your depressed you do this kind of stuff right? I mean it's only natural for us to shut down when we don't feel like living in the slightest. I hear a thump on my door indicating my mother trying to get me to come out of my dark room.

"Barry are you okay?" My mother said on the other side of the door.

"I'm fine mom" I lied and slowly got out of bed to the door, where I was greeted by my beautiful mother. Now my mom is a hobbit to me so she has look up at me with those emerald green eyes. Now backstory for my mom, she's the nicest most awesome mom in the world of like ever, she used to be a cheerful happy lady, raising two kids. Even after last year losing her hair and all due to radiation from test.

"Barry are you sure your okay...do I need to call Dr.-"

"Mom I said I was fine I've just been thinking a lot",I said. I hugged mom and headed for the shower to get ready.

When I entered the bathroom I looked at the face staring at me in the mirror. I don't see what other people see I hate how I look. I hate my brown shaggy hair and I especially hate my eyes. My mom always talks about how I look like my dad who I never met, he died when I was a baby. After looking at my god awful self I too a shower while also thinking about how I was dreading going back to school.

In school I'm not the most popular person, i mostly hang out with the band geeks or the skater kids at school. Again not the most popular guy but I do have friends. One who I am waiting for is my friend Matt who is my best friend. Matt is an interesting character himself he's crazy like balls to the wall crazy. As I'm waiting outside I see him speeding down my street in his big ass SUV. He parks in my family's drive way rolling the window as he comes to a stop.

"Come on Allen we're going to be late!" He yells out to me.

"Well if I wouldn't have to be waiting for you we wouldn't be running late now would we Matt", I say rolling my eyes.

Me and Matt have been at this since we were in diapers, so I've had to deal with it for a long time. After getting in the car and driving 10 minutes I made it to my living nightmare. Matt patted me on the shoulder and told me it would be alright. That things wouldn't end up like last year, which was a year I wanted to forget entirely. A lot of bad things had happened that year which was the cause of my depression.

Walking through the halls I noticed the one person I didin't want to see and that was Eddie who was the star quarterback and my tormentor since 1st grade. He sees me immediately and I cringe he's walking over toward me with a smug look as I prepare for my intiment doom.

"If it isn't the little shithead!" He exclaims as he pushes me against a locker pulling me up by my shirt.

"Eddie leave him alone", yelled a feminine voice, and at that the big gorilla let me down

.

I looked over to see my older sister Sarah who happened to be Eddies girlfriend. Let's just say she's very protective of me especially now since last years whole escapade. As my sister begins to chew him out I make my escape and head on to my first class.

Just before I can make it to my first class my feet are taken out from under me, and the next thing I know I'm on the floor with voices laughing. I look up to see no other then my other tormentor Caroline Chase laughing as if she made the funniest joke known to man. She looks at me and begins to fake pout with her friends.

"Whoops I guess I didn't see you there Allen", she said with a smirk.

I slowly got up and made my way to class looking behind me to that Caroline was following me. Then before I knew it she was shoving me out of the way and into my first period English class. Just what I needed the queen bitch of the school in my first period for an entire year.

I sighed and as I walked in the class I knew something was different I'm usually not this late for class. First off all the usual seat with my friends was taken by some new girl Matt was obviously trying to flirt with. I scanned the room only to find the only seat was by Caroline. I mentally sighed as I took my seat next to Caroline who didn't look to happy either.

"Of all the people I'm going to have to have as a classmate it had to be HIM!" I heard Caroline whispered.

After that I fell asleep as Mrs. Hamilton gave us the rep for the entire year telling us we would have assigned seating and where we were sitting would be our place for the entire year.

The rest of the day was a blur I couldn't tell you what happened even if I tried. My depression was getting worse that much I knew but I couldn't tell my mom she had as much going on with the medical bills and treatments for herself.

When I got home the house was empty I eventually found a note from mom telling me she had went to the grocery store and would be back in s bit. I went into my room and quickly looked up ways to stop thinking about depression. The list were endless and pointless, but one thing caught my eye which was online forum for depressed kids. Maybe talking with other teens who have depression could help with all of this crap. I made a profile named Anotherlostsoul77, after making the account I went straight to the forums telling my story. Hopefully someone would listen and help.

Caroline

I didn't ask for any of this did I. Being me of all people you think I'd be able to get through this with my parents divorced and everything. Daddy is distant as ever and mom is even more crazy it's like my life is a living nightmare. I'm supposed to be the girl everyone wants to be, but here I am lying in bed not going to sleep cause I can't get these horrible thoughts out of my head. I go to this website for suicidal people that I found, it's where people with problems talk to other people.

It's not that I don't trust my friends. They're my BFF'S, but this is something BFF'S don't talk about. I just put on my mask and make my usual act look like the girl everyone wants you to be.

I log in to my account secretnerdygirl101 is my name because well I'm a nerd. However it's not something I like to tell people I mean hello I have an image to keep up.

I look through the forums till I see a post that catches my eye by someone called anotherlostsoul77. As I read the guys story I couldn't help but feel bad for the kid. His mom has cancer. It broke my heart to see that, but not only did his mom have cancer he'd been bullied since he was in first grade. I clicked on his profile and sent him a quick message.

Secretnerdygirl101: hi

It takes a few minutes for the guy to respond.

Anotherlostsoul77: ummm hi? Who is this?

SCG: a friend I just wanted to talk to you

Lostsoul: ummm okay if I may ask...why?

SCG: because I want to help I'm not in that great of a situation either

Lost soul: I guess, but I'm not telling you my name. Deal?

SNG: sure fine by me. So tell me about yourself soul.

We talked for a few hours about our interests. Surprisingly we had a lot in common, we both loved writing, books, sci fi shows and pop-punk music. After saying our goodbyes I logged off, I had the feeling this was the start of a beautiful relationship.

Barry

Last night was certainly interesting. I didn't know joining that site would lead me to talking to them, especially about my personal life.

The next day at school went by fast. For the first time I felt good , like nothing could bring me down. That girl helped a lot last night, I just hope she's not some 55 year old man who lives in his basement. However that didn't seem the case she felt generally real.

Even Matt seemed to notice.

"What the hell has got you all happy go lucky?" Asked Matt while walking to his car.

"I just had a really good night is all", I said smiling.

"You got laid didn't you?" He asked smirking.

"No, I actually started talking to someone....about you know...."

Matt looked at me for a minute. It looked like I was being judged for a crime I just committed. Then he patted my shoulder and smiled.

"Well at least your talking to someone. That's all that matters Barry"

Heading into the car I heard my phone buzz. Pulling it out I saw that it was the girl I had been talking to earlier.

SNG: hey how was your day? Everything okay?

Soul: good actually talking to you last night helped. I just wanted to say thanks.

SNG: it was my pleasure soul.

Soul: how was your day?

SNG: well I woke up late and was late for school. Which isn't like me. Hey if you don't mind me asking where do you go to school?

When I told her it took her a few minutes to reply.

SNG: OMG me too!!

She continued to ask me questions as Matt drove us to his house. Her questions ranged from my grade, to how long I've been going there. Finally I told her I had to go, and we said our goodbyes.

Once we reached matts house, our friend Sarah was already waiting for us. Sarah is the third member of our trio, she doesn't go to our school but she's matt's neighbor, so she hangs out with us.

"You guys are late",she called out to us.

"Sorry,but lover boy over here wouldn't stop texting his little girlfriend", said Matt smirking at me.

"Dammit Barry! Always making yourself late."

"I'm sorry, now can we go and play some video games or are we going to stand outside in the heat." I said jokingly

We went inside Matts house. Today was going great, I was actually happy. Hopefully it can stay that way.

Caroline

I couldn't believe it, soul went to my school. My mind is racing with thousands of possibility's on who it could. I was so busy I didn't notice my friend Jen was trying to talk to me.

"Hello! Earth to Caroline Chase, are you in there"

I looked up to see my BFF Jen looking at me with an annoyed look. I could see the judgement as she looked at me, then at my phone.

I hadn't noticed the time. I had been talking to soul for a good two hours. We were sitting in the food court of the mall. Waiting for Britney and Taylor to join our oh so important prom dress search.

This year marked me finally getting the crown of prom queen. After all a queen must mark the occasion. I also had to look absolutely fabulous for my boyfriend Anthony, who was most definitely going to be voted king.

This was my life. A big pile of pressure for me to have. I had to be strong for everyone, I couldn't break now. I worked to damn hard to break. However when I'm talking to soul I feel as everything is going to be okay.

"Sorry I was texting Anthony" I said

Jen looked at me then rolled her eyes.

"I swear your always on the phone with him." She said with a huff.

Britney and Taylor showed up after a few minutes. We shopped till we all found the dresses we wanted to wear. Mine was a light blue dress that went down to my legs it was nice and simple,just how I liked it.

After coming home from shopping, I came home to find the house entirely empty. Which meant I had the entire house to myself.

I ran through my house to my living room. Compared to most people's homes ours is pretty big. We have a huge couch in the middle facing our flat screen TV. It also has an amazing view of the river.

I turned on my iPod. And started dancing to The Mountain Goats. I don't exactly know the title, but this song always gets me into a good mood. I mean I wasn't fighting with my parents, no friends to have to keep an image about, I could be myself.

I believe we all wear mask. We wear them because, we are insecure of who we are. I wear to cover the face of a girl who just wants to be accepted for who she is. My parents never liked my life choices, I was supposed to be the preppy girl. For years I was able to get away from that life. I was the girl who liked comic books, video games, sci-fi TV shows and anything else geeky. However that all changed when middle school came around.

When middle school came I got bullied a lot. So I left my old friends and became the popular girl everyone loves. My parents finally got the fir they wanted. Now I'm a girl living a lie. When I'm home however I'm that same girl I was back then. This song reminds of who I am. I always listen to music and dance around my house to tell myself I am me, sometimes music reminds us of who we are.

I move my hips with the music, I don't care who sees me. The world could end today, I wouldn't care.

Over the music, I hear my doorbell ring. I quickly turn off my iPod and head towards the door.

When I open the door I see my adorable boyfriend Anthony. He stands there smiling wearing his football letterman, shirt and jeans. He looks so cute I could kiss him

"Hey baby," I say sweetly.

"Hey you, listen Brittney's having a party at her house. You coming?" He ask gazing down at me.

I smiled a party at Brits. I was totally down with that besides, soul will be fine without me for one night right?

Barry

It's funny how everything can go wrong in a matter of minutes with just one text from someone you don't want to hear from

Everything was fine before I got that text. I had my two favorite people and playing some video games.

My ex gf text me for the first time in months.

She was obviously drunk. The words I want you back were a big give away. As soon as I saw that number, memories started pouring back. Happy,painful memories that I didn't want to revisit.

I got up from my chair and went upstairs to the bathroom. I just stood there looking at myself for a good thirty minutes wondering why the hell of all times to text me now was a good time. I quickly got my phone out to my sister to pick me up from matt's house then sent another text to SNG about what was going on. I just hoped I could make it through the night without doing anything stupid.

I heard a knock from the door indicating one of my friends knew what was going on.

"Barry open up please your scaring us" I heard Sarah say

"I'll be out in a minute" I called back

"Are you okay Barry"

"I'm fine Sarah I just....don't feel well"

I then heard her footsteps as she left. I sighed in relief and hoped my friend would be there for me.

I turned on the water splashing water on my face to keep myself calm starring at myself in the mirror wondering what the hell was going on.

Caroline

The party was loud and packed as usual. I was sitting with my friends sitting on Anthony's lap by the pool with a bottle of water in my hand. ( I do have some moral standards). Everyone is laughing and having a good time,except for me.

I couldn't help but start worrying about soul. Was he okay? Was he getting bad again? All these thoughts ran through my head until I felt soft lips touch mine.

"Let's get out of here " Anthony slurred.

"No Anthony......you know I'm not ready for that....not yet"

Anthony tried to grab my arm but I managed to get out of grasp. I kicked him as hard as I could and ran out the backyard.

The night air was cool and it was quiet except for the speakers blaring at Britney's house. I walked for sometime thinking about Soul and how he was doing. I quickly logged on my phone to see a message from an hour ago.

Soul: Hey I need you if your not busy I'm in a rut I need you.

As I was about to message back I felt myself bump into someone and a thud.

"Ow" said the voice

I looked up to see Barry Allen in my way. My God of all people it had to be him. Then I got a look on his face and he looked pretty messed up. Like someone had kicked a puppy in front of him.

Just this once I decided to be nice.

"Are you okay?"

He looked at me confused,then he turned back to being gloom and doom.

"Why do you of all people care" he asked

I pulled him off the ground. He was suprised by this as I pulled him close to my face

" because I've been through shit too Allen" I said with venom in my voice.

Barry quickly pulled away and looked down.

"I'm sorry. It's been a night full of bullshit. When you hear from an ex you haven't heard from in over a year it gets to you. "

I understood what he was talking about. Last year Barry was with this chick and she cheated on him with one of Anthony's friends. Barry had walked in on them having sex at her house which made Barry go all suicidal and he almost killed himself. When Anthony had told me that story I felt bad for Barry. No one should go through something like that. A long time ago Barry was a friend. Then due to my parents not liking him or my life choices. I changed and cut Barry off. Now the higher power of whatever was giving me a second chance to make things right with Barry.

"Come on Barry. Let's go somewhere" I said. When I called him by his first name he looked at me finally.

"You haven't called me that since first grade Chase" he said

"Come on. Before I change my mind" I said smiling and walking past him.

" what are you getting me into Caroline" he asked

" not what. where my dear Barry" I said

Barry

Walking with Caroline felt strange, but in a way comforting. We never really hanged out till now. She lead me to a big house that was 10x bigger the mine. She unlocked the door and lead me inside.

"My parents aren't home. So we have the entire house to ourselves." She said smiling as sh lead me across her home.

We walked down a long hallway to a door at the end of the hall. We entered the room and my heart dropped.

Inside was a stack of old video games from the NES to the Xbox. There were bookshelves cover the wall with not only video games but books. Who knew that the most popular girl in school was the biggest nerd in our school.

She smiled at me as I sat there taking in the view of geek central. I was in a paradise.

"If you tell anyone about this I will ruin your life." She said with venom in her voice.

She sat down on a couch that stretched from one side to the other. She pated the seat next to me, indicating she wanted my presence. I slowly walked over towards her, she smiled at me as I sat down.

"What would you like to play?" She asked grinning a very un Caroline chase grin.

I picked out a game and we played on into the night, it was the greatest night of my life.

Caroline

Barry left my house at about 5AM, I asked if he wanted me to give him a ride he declined.

After he left I went to my room and laid on my bed. I checked my phone to see if soul messaged me, what I saw got me worried.

Soul: hey are you there I need you

Fuck.

I quickly messaged him back

SNG: I'm so sorry I got busy with things. Are you okay?

I waited for a few minutes until he texted me back.

Soul: I'm okay now I just had to get out of the house for a bit but thanks anyway.

SNG: you sure? I'm here if you need me.

Soul: I'm fine, all I needed was some time out with friends.

SNG: Well okay then.... As long as your okay. Goodnight Soul.

Soul: goodnight

I sighed heavily and grabbed a John Green book and read until I couldn't stay up. My mind drifted into dreaming of soul and Barry Allen.

The next morning I decided to go easy on Barry and stay the hell away from Anthony . After last night he kinda grew on me. In a weird sense I felt bad for him. Anthony was a completely different story entirely.

I had to not only doge him but all of my friends as well. They would start asking questions, I didn't want that. They'd laugh me off the street. I had a reputation to keep up I couldn't ruin it now.

Walking to our first period I ignored the looks I got from everyone as I sat in front of Barry. I turned behind and gave him a small smile knowing I was there for him. To which he slightly smiled back.

For some reason I felt eyes all on us. Like us socializing was like the weirdest thing they've ever seen.

After class ended I headed to my next class where my worst fear came to be. Anthony was standing right in front of my locker waiting for me.

I slowly walked toward him, my chest pounding. He saw me and cracked a small smile.

"I'm so sorry Caroline, I didn't mean what happened last night. You know that right babe?" He said scratching the back of his neck

I just stood there not speaking.

"Are you gonna forgive me? Babe I'm sorry I was drunk okay what more do you want from me!" He started shouting and people were now looking at us just great not what I wanted a fight with my boyfriend in public.

Just as I was about to speak I felt myself being pulled by the arm by someone. I turned to see Britney pulling me out of the situation I was in. At least I could count on someone on this mess.

She pulled me into the girls room and didn't look happy.

"We need to talk"