She makes the call wondering if its their last
He answers overwhelmed with hopeful possibilities
She lets him in pointing him toward her room
He walks buzzing with anxiety and excitement
She closes the door nervous, trying to hide it
He sits on her bed staring at her with as loving a gaze as he could muster
She sits next to him but not to close
He readies his story, irons out the points he wants to make
She tries not to drown in the silence
He struggles with his words, fighting to fit them into logical sentences.
She looks away ready to ask him to leave
He says, “I love you. Can’t that be enough?”
She looks back at him wondering how it got to this place
He places his hand on her shoulder
She sits and focuses on his hand, this physical connection
He almost wishes he never said it, almost
She says, “Why did you come here if that’s all you were gonna say?”
He almost answers but stops and thinks about it
She rises frustrated with his lack of response
He says, “Because it’s the truth.”
She replies with a quick, “What?”
He says, “I love you and that’s all that matters. There is no power greater.”
She stares, stunned at his definite tone and eloquent words
He stands a few inches taller all the while without taking his eyes off of her
She shutters feeling his heartbeat in their close proximity
He doesn’t touch her but they are close enough to sync their breathing
She almost pulls away but him magnetism keeps her from doing anything
He drags his fingers up her arm and caresses her face
She finally moves and holds his hand to her face, taking in his scent
He rests his head on hers and presses his face into her hair surrounding himself with her.
They kiss.
They forgive.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
That was sweet, much better than your other piece, and I really likes the ending of this.
The dialogue worked well, sometimes it dosen't in poetry but in this it was effective so well done on that.
But please, its a general rule here that you should atleast review two other pieces of work before you post your own, and you have just posted two in a row without any other reviews, tis not on laddy!
I really liked it, it was so intense, though i was a bit confused! lol. i really wanted to know why it was so intense, a back story, i might have missed it in your poem or you might not have put it there. It was great how you put both of the peoples emotions, giving the girl one line an the boy the other, i liked that. but yes i think it could have had an explanation aswell, why were they so upet at the beginning> what was there to forgive at the end? but i think i love it more the less i know what is going on lol, it gives it some mystery
great poem, loved it