Published June 24, 2010
They say I walk around with experience; like I just give off an aura that says “I know this. I’ve already been there.” Perhaps they have a point. Sometimes I feel myself giving off that vibe. And why shouldn’t I? I’ve been through such a disturbing cornucopia of convolutions in the past two years of my life, its only fit to say I’m a little more weathered than the average seventeen year old.
It had been a whirlwind of events, chance, possibly even fate that had sucked me up and spit me on the dismal shores of oblivion. And again, it was that same hurricane of time and kismet that led me to the happiest days of my existence. Aside from childhood that is. Nothing, no other stage in life, can ever be as golden as one’s days as a young child. Simplicity and ignorance offer blissful isolation from the jagged daggers of truth and knowledge. A cut from these blades is a cursed wound. Once impaled by them, one can never be healed and is tormented by this pain for the remainder of their days; soothed only by the mellow, soft flowing, and harshly apathetic river of time.
Two years is hardly even a millisecond in the vast timescale of this earth. Not even eighty years is considered as such. And yet, in the eyes of a human being, it is everything. It is a lifetime. In this insignificant amount of time, I have fallen in love, and out. I have experienced popularity, and total isolation. I have come very near losing my mind. The performance of my once sharp memory has been dulled and diminished by a tremendous loss of brain cells. In a freak accident of fate, my life was skewed off course. A course I would have to trek entirely by myself.
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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139,481 Literary Works • 672,576 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay, this is an interesting point to start off on. This is perhaps the first time I'm running into a character starting out by talking of themselves in this particular fashion. Usually we see characters acting a certain way and this sort of thing is just implied to the reader, but now we have something of a monologue here introducing us to it. It does definitely make for a pretty intriguing start here.
Alright, that took a bit of a turn there. I was feeling perhaps some sort of more present time sort of thingy to start off with but it seems we're continuing the monologue bits and sort of talking about the sort of things that made this person quite so weathered in a somewhat mysterious abstract style there. I think its an interesting choice cause now we have it creating more questions that it really answers.
Umm, now this isn't quite what I saw coming but hmm, with the more abstract build up earlier, we know get right into the direct causes here and we've got some pretty powerful things being mentioned here. I think it comes together in a very interesting little pattern here. This definitely caps off the general vibe of this prologue pretty nicely I think. You've got a pretty solid opening piece here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hey Ragtime! SporkPunk here to review your thoughts.
Keep Writing!
I have nothing to nit-pick grammatically. You write very well, and I believe Jayleigh got anything incorrect.
As for the rest of it, I'm not going to be picky. I like your writing, and your word choice is great. I like the imagery you use with the hurricane. Very nice touch.
I think it is safe to say that you can use a ; here. Since, like, who ends a sentence so abruptly?
I know it is a pain, but seventeen should really be written out.
Is this significant to your thoughts? I sense an effort at sarcasm, but some may not understand.
Although, I feel that nitpicks weren't necessary due to this only being thoughts, there they are.
I have to say, this is really well written. I like your word usage. You don't stray from your thoughts like someone with ADD would, you stay consistent. Good job. I like your writing style. Keep it up
-Jayleigh