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The Demon Lord and His Empty Heaven

by raesvaughn

Prologue | The Demon Lord and His Empty Heaven

Like the late Gods of Infinion that once had lived in their chambers above, a divine space for Gurutrov had also been constructed. He was neither god nor mortal, but his creation of an entire sector of Dark Earth had granted him a spot in seclusion, one where he could gaze at this universe forever. It was a room devoid of color or sound and existed only for him. What would be considered a hell to others was heaven for Guru. He stood and peered far beyond, keeping his spine straight and face in a firm line. He was younger here, maybe in his twenties, and both his looks and brains were restored. Guru could breathe deeply in this atmosphere-less space, and his mind was far clearer and sharper than it had been when he was confined to the ground. His infinite powers were no more, yet he did not seem to care—they were in fact the very reason for his demise. He watched this odd world evolve into exactly what he envisioned, and he now regretted existing at all.

Seeing the unnecessary suffering and idiocy before him made him realize how truly tortured he had become in his later years. He was hardly aware of his surroundings during the time he made his wish—his curse he had no idea that would actually become true—and was as wise as any other dying mortal.

Guru kept his jaw locked and hands interlocked behind his back as he saw it slowly unfold. He had tried to take back his wish many times, ever since he was trapped in the void, but his powers, his abilities to mold the world into what he wanted, were now lost. He was just a man stuck in a box.

He only wanted to be more. Back home, in the First Dimension, the real earth, he strove to be the brightest, to be ahead of his time. How would he have known that this yearning for progress would end up scaring his world? What could he have done better?

You’re pathetic. Pathetic.

The words tapped about in his brain, bouncing from side to side, filling his every other thought. Every time he said it, the curse heard it. Every time she said, he heard it. Their emotions were now synced, and for the past sixteen years he finally had another voice in his head that sounded like his but wasn’t. It was his curse, the being that was just like him.



Always wanting to be more.

Ismus was never satisfied with her circumstances, just as Guru had been in his life.

(Pathetic, pathetic, he heard. It was coming from the curse.)

If there were any way to undo this accident, Guru would have done it by now. All he could do was watch. He had to trust that either the curse or that deadly spirit within her would be able to turn this entire ordeal around. When—if? —Dark Earth came to its close, this space he was confined to would no longer exist. It would all be over once he was over. All he could do was watch. Eyes straight and mind whirring.

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559 Reviews

Points: 29332
Reviews: 559

Mon May 25, 2020 8:39 pm
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Tenyo wrote a review...

Hey Raesvaughn!

If I'm honest, I found this piece a little bit hard to really connect with. I think it's because it starts off very grand. A not-human not-god trapped in this endless void, the language surrounding it, guru doesn't feel like a particularly relatable character, and his surroundings are so empty.

It was when you mention the accident that Guru suddenly becomes interesting- because he's a powerful thing that made a mistake, one that perhaps was impossible to undo even by the gods themselves. I wonder if it would be better to start from there, with something a lot more personal to make him a relatable character, and then maybe move on to how he ended up there.

I do like it as a hook though. Starting a story with its end scenario is a great way to set up a fallen hero story, and lay out on the table an idea of exactly what is at stake.

The situation and what I can see of the character are great, but it might be better to look into an alternate approach.

Still worth reading though. Thank you for posting!

raesvaughn says...

thank you for the comment! This post is a little confusing because it's the start of the sequel to my first published work, Accursed Red. It's missing that context, so you're completely correct!

Tenyo says...

Ah, that makes a bit more sense! In that case it might be worth adding a really brief summary mentioning it at the top of the post. Kind of like how some people on here have with their chapters.

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18 Reviews

Points: 77
Reviews: 18

Mon May 25, 2020 5:54 am
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potter4life wrote a review...

Hi raesvaughn,I am here for a review:]

So i thought that it was a pretty nice story!
you could improve on it a bit though,like here,
He was neither god nor mortal,

you should add in a "a"

He was neither a god nor a mortal,

and also i did not really know what happened before?So you should kind of add it in front?Maybe thats why its called Prologue but you should write everytime in a word here,

Every time she said, he heard it.

Good job on this piece though:]

Keep on writing:]

raesvaughn says...

Thanks for the tips, I'll keep them in mind!

— Magestorrrow