Innocent dreams and strong blind trust.
I remember when the things were right,
When the sorrow in your eyes wasn't covered by your laughs,
When our discussions didn't end in fights.
I remember you used to stand for things,
And how it made you different from all the other guys.
You knew your goal and walked down the right road.
I didn't have to let the worries fill my eyes.
Time has been changing your act towards the outside,
But I know it hasn't touched your good fragile heart.
I think you realize that you're missing something,
But what you really need, isn't in bottles or smoke to find.
I wish you would wake up and come stand next to me,
So you could see yourself the way I've been seeing you.
Perhaps then you would understand my fear,
Watching as you slowly drift away from the old you.
I know my friendship or these words won't change you,
Because you've known that I care all along.
But I hope that one day you'll see what you really need,
The everlasting love from your real Dad up above.
These words aren't meant to keep us close,
You know that I'll stay around anyway.
It just hurts to see you ruining yourself
You don't have to go down this dark road...
You're beautiful in your own way.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Shooting Stars is here to review!
Okay I really liked reading your poem, but noticed that you began rhyming then suddenly stopped. I don't know if you did this intentionally or what. Loved everything else, though and didn't find other mistakes.
Great job and keep writing!
--- Shooting Stars
QARA QUEEN + sister!
I loved this poem so much! It's sad and sweet and true. Many people slowly ruin themselves and all some people can do is watch.
I didn't see any grammar or spelling mistakes which is great! I noticed it started off with a little bit of a rhyme but it died down somewhere? I liked your last line the most, and the bit about how we all need love from God. Very true.
Super poem!
Deanie x
I loved this Qara!!! I'm no good at reviews. But I had to say this is sad and good and perfect!
~Dmari