Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: As a myth, I personally think a third person viewpoint or like an omniscient narrator viewpoint would be more appropriate than a first person view of things but that is just my opinion that you are free to completely ignore. Besides that the story is a little rushed even for a fairy tale. I feel like it would have done much better if it was a little bit longer than this mentioning a few more events that take place after this child arrives.
Anyway let's get right to it,
I lived in the amazon riverside villages, in an old native tribe. In the amazon villages everything was created in a natural way: the trees grew tall and formed canopies, while the native animals made their homes in the trees tops, avoiding been hunted by men or carnivores. Even children were brought to the world in a natural way: the a couple got married and prayed to the ancient god of fertility to grant them the wish of becoming parents. After months of sacrifices and prayers, their wish was granted and the woman became pregnant, nine months later giving birth to achild.
Pretty standard fairy tail/ folk story/ myth start so that's been done quite well there which is nice.
And those were my beliefs until I went to the city. Two people, who claimed to be doctors, came to the villages and started investigating us, learning our habits, studying our way of living until one day they came to a conclusion: they had chosen one of our tribe to go to the city with them and I was the lucky one. They said I was perfect for the tests; I was healthy, strong, with good muscular mass and an incredible inteligence. I liked learning and this was a perfect opportunity to do so.
This part doesn't sound quite as much like a myth here. This is sounding more like a story.
"She is our finest creation. A clone, Our first clone" They say as they hugged the girl and the woman.
Okayy....don't see how the hugging is in any way necessary there but them maybe I'm missing something here.
I got the child to my tribe and she was worshiped like a god. And I was of great respèct because I had given birth to a god; the god of power. As the time went on,the child grew up at an incredible speed. But when she was eighteen and had reached the maturity of age, a terrible illness struck her and died. We were dumbfounded our god had died. My tribe felt they had sinned against our highest god and because of that many committed suicide as an atonement for their terrible mistake. I was expelled from my tribe for being the host of a sinner.
Well that was quite a turn of events there. It feels somewhat like it could actually happen in real life if you take it from the context of who is the POV character but it does still seem a little off.
I ran away, faraway and into the thick forest and let myself grow older and alone. But i was going to carry the memory of the god child that lived within me for the rest of eternity.
That seems to be a decently myth style ending although the first person isn't helping here.
Aaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall it was a pretty decent story. Not the happiest of endings you have there but it is sort of a good message. I'm not sure. This one doesn't really seem to be trying to tell us anything in the form of a message which is a little unusual for a myth of some kind at least the way I see it. Anyways it was still easy to figure out what was happening and it was well written.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 254163
Reviews: 4102
Donate