Remembrance

by prolixity

  • Poetry

Published July 20, 2012

To go back to this place is to go back
to a different me.
Cutting through the layers of years
like tree-rings
to reveal something greener and softer.
The place is unchanged
stuck in amber.
The earth is greener here
and the air hums with the singular noise
of sunlight becoming sugar and oxygen.
The land is unsure how to welcome me.
One moment it is a sunshine embrace
and the next a wildness.
The trees murmur uneasily
like gossiping neighbors
and the wildflowers nod their bright heads knowingly.
My feet have forgotten
how to cross the stream
and I can hear the water laughing.
The bees that used to converse softly
raise their pitch
to a seething fury.
They seem to have forgotten
(I have forgotten)
who once would tell them her heart
and was unafraid of their stings.
Now that I have forgotten
and they have forgotten
it appears I am no longer welcome
in the garden.

So, I don't normally write poetry or read poetry or think about poetry, but I had to do all three in a creative writing class I took.  I thought I would post one of my poems from class to see what you guys think.
Comments & reviews · 6
User avatar
Iamwhoyouknow Review
Iamwhoyouknow wrote a review Review · Jul 21, 2012

I found this to be very well written and creative. I think you should definitely write some more poems. I would love to read them. I could paint a visual in my head as I read this. It was very nicely detailed.


prolixity
prolixity replied · Jul 22, 2012

Thanks! :)

User avatar
wordsandwishes
Review
wordsandwishes wrote a review Review · Jul 20, 2012

Wow, it's hard to believe you don't write poetry. I agree with tarameagan, you did a great job. The way you gave such mundane things a personality was awsome. I also like the way you wrote this without saying WHY you were no longer welcome in the garden. It added a bit of mystery to it and kept the interesting component at a high level. Even your spelling, punctuation, and all the other technical things were good. And the irony in the title, and whole bunch of other things.
ANYWAY, overall (as you've probably guessed) this was a great poem.
My rating: 5*s
My favorite part: aaaaalllll of it.

Keep it up!

w&w


prolixity
prolixity replied · Jul 20, 2012

Thank you. :D

User avatar
tarameagan
Review
tarameagan wrote a review Review · Jul 20, 2012

Well for some one who don't write poetry you did a great job. I like this poem. its amazing. I like how you used nature in this. I love the out doors.

"My feet have forgotten
how to cross the stream
and I can hear the water laughing."


the last above is very clever and well thought out. This is my favorite part. I like how you said "water laughing" It just caught my attention.
I hope you continue to write poetry because you have skill in it.
Good job. I hope your creative writing class enjoyed it as much as me.

:)-T


prolixity
prolixity replied · Jul 20, 2012

Thanks. :D



I like to create sympathy for my characters, then set the monsters loose.
— Stephen King