The Truth About Life

by princesssparkles13

Published December 20, 2014

E - Everyone

In Poetry

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Follow the river where the flowers grow,

Where the sun shines and the moon glows,

Where the birds sing and the trees dance,

Where everyone can have a second chance.

Don't let the darkness that you fear and see

Overcome your heart that is free,

Nor stop you from being you,

And keeping your heart sweet and true.

Yes, you may make mistakes, I did, too,

But it's something everybody goes through.

Don't let it pull you down.

Reach for the sky and push off the ground.

You have no idea what a simple smile can make.

It can make your whole day great!

So, smile and laugh with all your love,

Because you are a blessing from above.

When someone knocks you to the ground,

Turn their frown upside down!

Kill them with kindness and be their friend.

They will love you in the end.

Be a star in the sky.

Sing me a lullaby,

Because you are the best person in the world.

Now, don't wait! Go open the door!

Comments & reviews · 5
User avatar
wonderlandashes
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wonderlandashes commented Comment · Dec 20, 2014

Hello, I'm going to review this piece. I know. I'm so unpredictable.
I think that the message is nice. However, the rhythm is pretty uneven, and it would really make a difference if you cleaned it up. For example when you say, "Don't let it pull you down.
Reach for the sky and push off the ground." it makes the flow a bit choppy. Also, I'd consider taking out the exclamation points. (the one at the end is okay, though.) Overall, I think spending more time on the flow of the poem would make it better. But your concept was very positive, and it's refreshing to see something so upbeat in the poetry field these days. It's pretty Dr.Seuss-esque (that's a compliment!) All in all, keep up the good work. A little editing and this will be a great poem.

wonderlandashes wrote a review Review · Dec 20, 2014

Hello, I'm going to review this piece. I know. I'm so unpredictable.
I think that the message is nice. However, the rhythm is pretty uneven, and it would really make a difference if you cleaned it up. For example when you say, "Don't let it pull you down.
Reach for the sky and push off the ground." it makes the flow a bit choppy. Also, I'd consider taking out the exclamation points. (the one at the end is okay, though.) Overall, I think spending more time on the flow of the poem would make it better. But your concept was very positive, and it's refreshing to see something so upbeat in the poetry field these days. It's pretty Dr.Seuss-esque (that's a compliment!) All in all, keep up the good work. A little editing and this will be a great poem.

User avatar
WJK
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WJK wrote a review Review · Dec 20, 2014

I was going to say that the begginning sounded generic and dull, but I think the message overall balances the poem out. I enjoy the simplicity and easy pace that keeps this poem interesting. Perhaps a little too simplistic with diction than I would prefer, but hey, its your poem and/or writing style, not mine. I will say, however, that the use of, "Sing me a lullaby" seems absolutley random to me, and makes no sense at all, then again maybe I missed a detail. Very enjoyable poem though.

WaltzingDreams wrote a review Review · Dec 20, 2014

Hello :) Sybil here to say a few things...
I really really really really liked this! :) It's so sweet and true to what we humans all need now: hope. I liked how you expressed it so lyrically and fluently throughout the entire poem. Adorable.
I would expect people our age would write emo and love but you've proven to me that someone still believes in the beauty and hope of life and joy :) thank you for that. Dream up the world you want and make it real through more of your poetry

Great job and keep on dreaming! :D

-Sybil (WaltzingDreams)

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gv7233
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gv7233 commented Comment · Dec 20, 2014

This is beyond amazing.. No lie. I love this poem.. There are definitely moral lessons to it.. I liked the way you used the emotional words.. It definitely fit the whole poem... Great job on this.. I have no criticism.. I also agree to all the things that was stated in your poem.. It is true and inspirational too..

Good job! Keep it up! :-)



There is only one success: to be able to spend your life in your own way, and not to give others absurd maddening claims upon it.
— Christopher Darlington Morley