do you know me ??

Hi, Princess!

It kind of hurt reading this. Namely because everyone's been picked on at some point -- I certainly had my share -- but not everyone wants to be defended like this. On the other hand, the voice was very effective in portraying your message, so yay!

I felt this piece was incredibly ranty though, which is probably why I didn't really care for what was being said by the end of it. I felt like they were yelling at me (which is a good thing since that's what you were obviously intending!), and it wasn't really fun to read at all.

Additionally, even though half the rant was about the speaker's poor spelling and grammar, that doesn't mean it shouldn't be used. Spelling and grammar helps others understand what's being said. It's so much easier to comprehend what's being said when writers use the universally-accepted spelling and grammar rules. So I think the poor spelling and grammar in this piece didn't really help at all. In fact, it probably hurt it. At first, I was hoping to let it go because it reflected the message extremely well. xD But it got to the point where I was having a hard time following the speaker's train of thought and was hoping the rant would end soon. (Not good!)

Kudos on the anonymous greeting and sincerely! Common but fun tool to use.

I also liked how you brought in some realistic situations to help back up the speaker's point of view. That definitely helps the reader understand just what the speaker is feeling, and it digs into the reader's sympathy. <== This is a very good thing.

So what I would suggest looking into is style? Make it much more pleasant to read. (I know the voice is harsh, thus making this idea contradictory, but hear me out. xD) You want to keep the reader interested in what's being said, so draw them in, make them understand, and inflate the emotion you want them to feel. It takes careful art to arrange that all.

Eep, I have to run. But well done here!

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!

Spoiler

dear people who think im' a smart freak and a dumb dork,

hi I'm a dork !
and you all think you know me just cuz i like to read .
you all think you know me cuz i like to write .
you don't fuckin know me I'm not just like the next girl !
i might love to read but i really can't spell .
i might not spell things right but that does not make me dumb !
i may be a plain Jane but I will get people to see me !
I'm not groin to let what's wrong with me hold me back
i read at a high level for my age but i can't spell for a crap
so there is way more then meets the eye when it comes to me
you say you don't like my hair cuz I dye it
well i see that you paint your nails, is that any
diff from how i dye my hair?....no!
and so what if sometimes i mix up b with the letter d
its not my fault and I'm sorry if you don't like that I'm diff
but i would like to crazy as fuck be for i would be boring as hell
I'm not going to be like ever one else just cuz you want me to be
all my friends call me llama AND YES I SAID LLAMA
so you know what call me a freak call me a bitch
i don't care what people think of me
go on and talk shit about me to you twitter friends you most likely only have like 10
so what if i don't have a good singing voice that don't mean I'm not going to sing
you want to call me fake but I'm the one who is being me
your the one who acts like she owns the school !!!
i want to see you stand up and sing in front of people be for you tell them that there no good
i really don't get how you call call my friend fake when you was her bffl in elementary
and there are people who write poems and people like them cuz of how different the way of
spelling words is and
grammar well as you can tell I'm no good at it but most of the
smartest people had the same problems as me so who's to say one day i might be rich and famous
and your going to wish you where nice to me but you are not nice to me and i will remember that
so I'm just saying you can say what you want about me
and i really don't care but most of you are no any better then me.
This is a very cynical piece full of errors so instead of fixing them all Ill' just fix them all and you can copy and paste it,maybe that's not fair but this is full of spelling and grammar issues.If you could fix the grammar and all that boring stuff this would have mass potential.sincerely,sockmonkey.

dear people who think im' a smart freak and a dumb dork,

hi I'm a dork !
and you all think you know me just cuz i like to read .
you all think you know me cuz i like to write .
you don't fuckin know me I'm not just like the next girl !
i might love to read but i really can't spell .
i might not spell things right but that does not make me dumb !
i may be a plain Jane but I will get people to see me !
I'm not groin to let what's wrong with me hold me back
i read at a high level for my age but i can't spell for a crap
so there is way more then meets the eye when it comes to me
you say you don't like my hair cuz I dye it
well i see that you paint your nails, is that any
diff from how i dye my hair?....no!
and so what if sometimes i mix up b with the letter d
its not my fault and I'm sorry if you don't like that I'm diff
but i would like to crazy as fuck be for i would be boring as hell
I'm not going to be like ever one else just cuz you want me to be
all my friends call me llama AND YES I SAID LLAMA
so you know what call me a freak call me a bitch
i don't care what people think of me
go on and talk shit about me to you twitter friends you most likely only have like 10
so what if i don't have a good singing voice that don't mean I'm not going to sing
you want to call me fake but I'm the one who is being me
your the one who acts like she owns the school !!!
i want to see you stand up and sing in front of people be for you tell them that there no good
i really don't get how you call call my friend fake when you was her bffl in elementary
and there are people who write poems and people like them cuz of how different the way of
spelling words is and
grammar well as you can tell I'm no good at it but most of the
smartest people had the same problems as me so who's to say one day i might be rich and famous
and your going to wish you where nice to me but you are not nice to me and i will remember that
so I'm just saying you can say what you want about me
and i really don't care but most of you are no any better then me.
This is a very cynical piece full of errors so instead of fixing them all Ill' just fix them all and you can copy and paste it,maybe that's not fair but this is full of spelling and grammar issues.If you could fix the grammar and all that boring stuff this would have mass potential.sincerely,sockmonkey.

dear people who think im' a smart freak and a dumb dork,

hi I'm a dork !
and you all think you know me just cuz i like to read .
you all think you know me cuz i like to write .
you don't fuckin know me I'm not just like the next girl !
i might love to read but i really can't spell .
i might not spell things right but that does not make me dumb !
i may be a plain Jane but I will get people to see me !
I'm not groin to let what's wrong with me hold me back
i read at a high level for my age but i can't spell for a crap
so there is way more then meets the eye when it comes to me
you say you don't like my hair cuz I dye it
well i see that you paint your nails, is that any
diff from how i dye my hair?....no!
and so what if sometimes i mix up b with the letter d
its not my fault and I'm sorry if you don't like that I'm diff
but i would like to crazy as fuck be for i would be boring as hell
I'm not going to be like ever one else just cuz you want me to be
all my friends call me llama AND YES I SAID LLAMA
so you know what call me a freak call me a bitch
i don't care what people think of me
go on and talk shit about me to you twitter friends you most likely only have like 10
so what if i don't have a good singing voice that don't mean I'm not going to sing
you want to call me fake but I'm the one who is being me
your the one who acts like she owns the school !!!
i want to see you stand up and sing in front of people be for you tell them that there no good
i really don't get how you call call my friend fake when you was her bffl in elementary
and there are people who write poems and people like them cuz of how different the way of
spelling words is and
grammar well as you can tell I'm no good at it but most of the
smartest people had the same problems as me so who's to say one day i might be rich and famous
and your going to wish you where nice to me but you are not nice to me and i will remember that
so I'm just saying you can say what you want about me
and i really don't care but most of you are no any better then me.
This is a very cynical piece full of errors so instead of fixing them all Ill' just fix them all and you can copy and paste it,maybe that's not fair but this is full of spelling and grammar issues.If you could fix the grammar and all that boring stuff this would have mass potential.sincerely,sockmonkey.

Hey there!
Okay. As Dasiamari commented, there are a bunch of errors grammar/spelling wise, too many to correct. I think that you should divide this into stanzas, to make it easier to read. Although I like the concept of this, I think that by some of the language used, along with certain lines, that it lost it's power by giving in to what people have said. "i might love to read but i really can't spell .
i might not spell things right but that does not make me dumb !" I think that you should have tried to correct the grammar to contradict what is being said, or play it up, such as doing " I might love to read but I "cnt spel", to almost taunt what people say. Also, maybe try to use words one might not expect to see someone "dumb" use. I do like that there is a strong realistic vibe to this. You can definitely sense the hurt. I think that it could use a stronger title, one that entices more readers. Overall, great concept, but needs a bit of work!
~Epic

Llama)

Periods, capitalization, spelling errors, commas, and chatspeak.

Other than that I loved it. The idea was great, though slightly hard to read.
But I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVED the over all piece. Just go through it and fix the stuff I mentioned/listed above.


~mari <3

Llama)

Periods, capitalization, spelling errors, commas, and chatspeak.

Other than that I loved it. The idea was great, though slightly hard to read.
But I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVED the over all piece. Just go through it and fix the stuff I mentioned/listed above.


~mari <3