Respect Women

ok, so i didnt understand the overall point of this. You metioned respect women once, and it was almost towards then end... do a follow up on this.... maybe i'll ubderstand it more.

Hello prettypraty2000,

I have quite a few reviews and comments about your poetry. I hope you would not mind to read because it is quite simple.

First, this is a poem. Please do leave gaps between each line, and a double gap between each verse. For example, do not write:


'To mother from daughter, all roles she plays, she is very flexible like water, which changes its path in many ways.'


Instead, write like this:


'To mother from daughter,
All roles she plays;
She is very flexible like water,
Which changes its path in many ways.'


This makes it neater and easier to read. And it makes it easier to say out loud, especially for a poet. Not just a poet, for everyone. If there are no gaps, people will think it is a story and an advise instead of a poem.

Next of all, please do not use capital letters all the way. Capitalised letters are for expressing some word or sentence loud and clear, also noticeable. If you tend to write all the way capitalised letters, it tends to look as if you shouted it out while reading the poem. If the reader is in a bad mood, then they will think that you are just being rude and will make them smash the screen of their computer.

Last of all, ( your last verse, third line ), the word 'DUDE' is not really appropriate to be in a poem. 'Dude' is normally used in speeches to good friends, not including an adult. 'Dude' is like 'Bro'. These words are not formal and should not be written in a poem, a story or a letter. ( unless you include speeches in them. But for the best, try not to ).

For example:

"Hey, dude," Johnny said to Raymond.
"Bro, it's not like that," Ryan advised Edmund.
"Dude, what do you think you're even doing?" Jade asked his close friend, Steve.


Well, that's all for now and I hope you take these notes down in your next poem ( if there is one ).

Till then, see you!

Hey there, aouther2b here to review this interesting piece. Here we go!

What I liked:

1. The topic. Going for the obvious here. As a female I liked what you wrote about.

2. The rhyme. GREAT NEWS, none of your rhymes seemed forced.

What I didn't like:

1. The message. While the topic was a great choice, I think there was a struggle in getting out the right message. Yes would should not treat women like they are our slaves, but they are also more than women or daughters. You could have made it way more powerful talking about friends, siblings, coworkers, doctors, all the things a woman can be.

2. Your consistency. Or lack there of. Besides the afformentioned consistancy in the message, you lack consistancy of structure and tone. Your start is very strong, powerful and makes me want to read more, but towards the end, especially in your last stanza you start to loose some of that power. "dude, now get along and sing" it just seems out of place. You can have so much power by finding all of the correct words. Consider looking over again and maybe expanding more on what that get along and sing part is about. What do you see men doing to show women that they are respected?

Overall. It is a great start. A good idea that needs a bit more development. Great Job and Keep Writing!

Te caps. IT buuuuuurns.

nah jk, but I suggest try formatting a little more, reading a block of writing is kinda boring

Hello, here for a review. This is very...interesting. You have a very inspirational tone to it as you rant on about how women are still not as respected as they should be. I like how you use similes to get your point across as well as the rhetorical question what have we given her?. I like your attitude :p

I have a few nitpicks:
1.I wouldn't think is would be a poem. A poem is written in lines:
E.g. To mother from daughter,
all roles she plays.
To make this a poem try to adapt it into one please. The rhyming scheme is hidden when you right it as a paragraph.

2. I find it hard to read it in capitals. Maybe if you use exclamation marks instead of everything being capitals, it would be easier to read whilst getting the point across that you are ranting. It also makes the poem seem less serious and more rushed.

3. There should be a full stop(period if you are american) at the end of the work.

4. What do you mean by the holy books too say? This seems random and forced. From what I have found from looking at holy books like the bible, many of the big religions lean closer to men than women. Can you please enlighten me on what you where referring to.

5. This isn't really a nitpick but could you maybe use more varied punctuation(e.g. use '!' instead of '.') as it makes the poem a little more powerful. (God, I feel like an english teacher...)

Overall I found this strange yet interesting.

That's all from me,
welcome to YWS ^-^,
Godly

p.s. Why is this marked as fanfiction?