Thanks for sharing this poem concerning a deep sense of loneliness from which there seems to be no escape. Whether this is about you or you are using a persona, I don't know. But it is irrelevant to how the poem stands or falls on its own merit.
Did it convey the intense sense of loneliness? Yes it did. The tone of the poem did reinforce the sense. Did it convey clearly why the speaker feels deceived and unloved or feels that he is in a hopeless condition and that any attempts at helping him is useless? No it did not. The reader is left to ponder about these things and the possibilities are many.
Suggstions
A few hints that inform the reader about the events leading to this situation and about certain crucial statemenhts would have been helpful. For example: if he considers his situation based on lies, why then is he still motivated to be influenced by them. Also, providing a few hints about why escape difficult and hiding dangerous would have created more clarity.
BTW
If indeed this is truly about you and not a persona, please feel free to message me via PM. Talking about such things can lead to enlightnment which might prove helpful. Lookng forward to reading more of your work.
Points: 664
Reviews: 841
Donate