Hopeful Child

by praisejoe

Published September 10, 2010

It will soon be tomorrow
and all these pains will be gone.
I'll hold on one more night,
for Father will be here when I wake.
He'll hold me tenderly.
He'll say those words that
make me smile,
and take me home
Where I'll find love,again.
Where my dreams will take flight
And my heart will be merry.
It will soon be tomorrow
and joy will come.
I'll hold on one more night.
I'll dream of my hero.

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
praisejoe
Comment
praisejoe commented Comment · Sep 10, 2010

Thank You very much. That was helpful. I'll make the changes. Thanks

User avatar
Jasmine Hart
Review
Jasmine Hart wrote a review Review · Sep 10, 2010

Hi,

This was sweet.The tone works really well.

I'd change "beam with smiles", because you're basically saying "smile with smiles" which is unnecessary. I'd cut the dash after "home" as you don't need it, and put a comma after "again" and cut the full-stop after "flight".

Hope this helps,
Jas



The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch somebody else doing it wrong, without comment.
— T. H. White