You promised you'd be there
And I'd be there for you
What happened
When the mere question of how you're doing
Sends you down a never ending spiral of despair
-
You promised you'd be there
And I can't tell you that it isn't true
A real hero
A noble
I've been so blessed to be saved by you
-
And I promised that I'd be there for you
But you're hiding
It's dark
And you're the only one with the lighter
Let me come a little closer
And guide you
-
Please
I feel useless
forced to stand in the sidelines
Watching
letting the spoils in your head rot
While you're trying to fix what isn't broken
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Canary word: Present
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125,012 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
This is a really emotional poem. I loves the repetition that happened in the first two stanzas, it really connected them together. I'll admit I'm not a fan of the last line, just because the rest of the poem seems so much stronger. I also think you can cut out the that in this line, And I promised that I'd be there for you
Other than that just keep on writing.
This poem was great! I enjoy reading poetry... secretly, I think, in hopes that I can get better.
I really liked the rhythm it had but I cannot place my finger on where it comes from.
My favorite part is the second stanza. My one thing with that is: is noble by itself a type of person? Can you call someone a noble? That's the only thing that slightly confused me.
A few lines are not capitalized and I wasn't sure if that was on purpose or not... Like in the last stanza "Watching/letting the spoils in your head rot."
The last two lines hit me harder than the rest and made me smile... even thought it isn't happy.
"letting the spoils in your head rot/While you're trying to fix what isn't broken"
Welcome to YWS!
Sincerely, CreativelyWritten
First off congratulations on your first post and welcome to YWS!
This is a very deep, great poem and it's obvious you put thought and emotion behind this. That being said I have one critique; when you said "What happened" I would have but a question mark at the end so it would look like this "What happened?". But other than that little bit I don't see anything wrong with it. I really like the depth and emotion of your poem. I hope to see more from you and that your friend will let you help them. 