Note: i wrote this as a practice for writing flash fiction.
They sit across each other on a two seat table in a small café two blocks from her apartment.
“You're too nice for a literary agent, Paris. Next time you should have the geographical convenience.”
“I am not your literary agent; I'm your friend," he says, sighing but with firm patience. "Been one for seven years. It baffles me why it baffles you when I decide to visit. Plus, you can't be a bestselling author if a plane crash kills you.”
“I won't have a friend if you die of a plane crash. Plus, a plane crash isn't the only way to die,” she snickers as she takes out three folders from her bag and places them beside his empty cup — three hundred sixty-seven pages of romantic crap. “We can always work through e-mail. Why fly three states for a manuscript that guarantees no publishing deal?”
“I didn't come for the manuscript, silly.” He slowly takes the folders, throwing her a long hard stare. "Don't you want to spend some time with me? I sure do. I've missed you too much."
She grins. "Well, I did miss you, too. But next time, let me be the visitor."
He reaches for her hand, briefly gripping it. "Okay."
"—and don't act like you've fallen in love with me. I might lose all of my romantic judgment and over-think.” She takes a sip of her espresso and almost chokes on hindsight.
"Okay." It's his turn to snicker, studying the first line of her novel (which has been revised for the twelfth time but still as hopeless as the first completed draft); he doesn't mind having to read it again, and again, and again... “But don't act like you've ever had one.”
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,827 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Well..this was a pretty nice little story here...I really liked the conversation between these two, its very easy to imagine that they're good friends and it was just really nicely done and it flowed together really well.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay...setting that scene pretty well there from that first line, for flash fiction, you can't really spend time establishing too much more at any rate...and this does the job of letting you know the essentials at the very least, and that's always something. Aaand also we get a bit of knowledge about our characters here too, and that's also always a good thing.
Oooh....alright...looks like its just one friend being pretty concerned for the other and I guess they're also the literary agent for the other....and well this is a pretty wholesome scene so far, just two friends hanging out and meeting after a while and one friend just being concerned for the other one and not wanting to potentially lose them which is pretty understandable and relatable.
Well that seems like some sensible logic to counter that particular worry that the other friend had there....this seems like a pretty nice and wholesome conversation between two good friends at the moment and well I love reading things like that. Those sorts of things are always fun to read.
Aww...well that is very much a wholesome conversation between two friends. Its very realistic to how conversations like this might go in real life and well...its the kind of thing that leaves you with a smile after reading so...this is pretty neat so far.
Well...that looks like they came to a pretty lovely agreement on that one....xD...this is just a really sweet little chat between good friends and well...I am all for little things like that...they do mean a lot...and I guess the current situation of the world might have made them mean just a bit more.
Oooh...well a little bit of light teasing/flirting there at the end and well that's also a pretty good sign of a really good friendship and well...another really fun thing to read, its the sort of thing that leaves you with a smile on your face and who doesn't like having a smile on their face...xD
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, a solid little story this one, one that I enjoyed reading quite a bit. This sort of snapshot of two friends having a conversation certainly does mean a lot, and these current times do make it even more of a fun thing to read.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hi there!
I suggest to continue challenging yourself with this task, practice makes perfect! (Not to sound cheesy or anything...)
So first of all I want to say well done on challenging yourself. I, for one, find it one of the hardest things in the world to write such shor stories. I think you did a good job and there's always room for improvement!
I think you had a cute little idea and I love how you used the dialogue in the story. Sometimes it's actually really hard to think of perfect dialogue and the fact that you practically used it to tell your story makes it more original and some lines also make the reader smile.
I skimmed through some previous reviews and noticed how some thought there wasn't enough description. I agree, but I don't think it's a completely fair critique basing off your chalenge to write less than 300 words. However, I do think some tiny details here and there could improve this piece, since the plot is lacking. For example, when you mention they're in a cafe', instead of adding a long description to describe the setting, add in a few adjectives or even mention the location. We know it's a few blocks from her apartment, but what country for example? Tiny things like these could already improve your piece.
Hope I helped!
thank you for the review.
This sounds like a sweet story, but it seems too short. It's lacking detail is what I believe because I don't know much about the cafe or the characters. I think if you were to add details about them, that would make the short story more interesting. I also found a few minor errors that you could fix.
Next time is a transition, so you have to put a comma after it when it starts a sentence.
"...only way to die." She snickers as she takes out her three folders..."
Otherwise, this story is very cute, and I can't wait to see if you extend it or not. And by the way, welcome to YWS!
hi! thanks so much for pointing out the transition thing, and for the review altogether.
Hello!
I liked the story and the quirkiness of it; I can easily see it as a novel. It's different, it's not the usual romantic story. The facts in it, the character's story and relationship is described simply and understandable; you don't have to have Albert Einstein's IQ to comprehend it. But it's not too simple, and that's the beauty of the story. I am delighted and I think this is a great start.
Also, I am giving you a virtual cookie because flash fiction is not for everyone. Seriously, how you got this in 300 words is beyond me because God knows I can't do that.
The cliffhanger is well written and leaves you thinking - you caught the exact purpose of a cliffhanger. Not all writers can do that.
Altogether this is a great story and I hope I will read more from you!
thank you! i shall check out your works as well!
Hey there. Just coming for a quick review.
I love your story. I can easily see this becoming a much bigger story than it is here because its like you've built a start which introduces the characters and gives a small insight to what their relationship with each other is like. I like the way you have portrayed this meeting with the two characters as it sounds like they have met up for business purposes and the meeting grows into much more than that and its great. That really shows the type of relationship these two have and you show it great.
I like the use of the italics here but I agree with jazzy that it should also be used for the second "you" to emphasize that but where you have use it it is a great effect and it really shows.
I like the ending a lot as its kinda a cliffhanger but not an immediate one as I want to read on to know more about these two characters and I want to know about what she means at the very end ( might have gotten the character mixed up sorry).
And finally I really like the information in the brackets as it reflects the what most writers are like constantly trying to improve their writing but I think the information could be alright by it self not in brackets.
Overall a great story and I think you should take this on to make a bigger story because it would be great I think.
thank you!!!
Hi! Happy Not Christmas
I've come to review.
First I'm going to get through the little typos...
It sounds like you're saying that they are sitting on each other, so instead you could put 'at' a two seat table.
I see what you're doing here, but at first glance it just doesn't look right. I suggest putting the second 'you' into italics like you did in some other sentences. By the way, great job for using italics; I love it when people do that because it adds emphasis to what the character is saying.
Just add 'is' between but and still.
In the last line where the man says 'don't act like you've ever had one', I assume he's talking about romantic judgement. It would sound better if he sound 'any' instead of 'one'.
Now for the good stuff! When I began reading your short story, I felt like the meeting began the two characters was more professional than private. Though as I continued reading, the meeting becomes more intimate and I, as the reader, can get to know them more.
I also love how you ended it with (whether you'd call it this or not...) a cheeky little joke. The story starts all business like, then gets romantic and finishes with some humour. That's Three different attitudes in less than three hundred words.
Great job! You should certainly continue this into a larger story.
wow. thanks so much for the review. i enjoyed reading your thoughts, and am glad that you liked it.
porcey xx