So, I felt like writing something super abstract and the meaning is different to everyone. Have a read and decide what it means for you.... or it doesn't mean anything:D It's kind of like those stories about animals and things when it's really not about the characters but about the meaning carried across, I guess...
So here it goes:
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There was once a man who never looked at the sky.
He walked along the street every day to work, keeping his eyes focused on where he was going. Otherwise, he looked down at his feet. But he never lifted his head up, he never dreamed and never knew what the sky looked like. Some people he knew admired him for this. "He is a man of today, he doesn't dream, but only lives today and at the moment."
He lived happily, had a good job and a wonderful wife. But everyone else knew he was missing out on so much. The man never witnessed the clouds of all different shapes and sizes like soft blankets across the blueness, the palette of bright reddish colours of the sunset... nor the rising sun painting the world in the morning.
His wife always said: "He is a businessman. He has more important things to do."
But time came for him to leave this world, and even at his deathbed, he whispered to himself: "I have no time for dreaming. I live today and in the moment. There is no beauty in the sky. It is for dreamers, not like me. I don't want to know what the sky looks like because then I will know what it's like to dream, I will become consumed in dreaming and forget about the real world around me".
Then he closed his eyes and escaped into another world, leaving the one he has lived in.
And he never saw the sky.
Some people admired him, some pitied him...
And when he was up in heaven, he saw the world from below, the pale silvered sky. The sky would change colour from greenish to greysh, shades of orange, yellow, red and pinkish. And it was wonderful. The man was finally at peace. And he whispered to himself: "This was worth living for. The sky is indeed beautiful..."
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140,545 Literary Works • 673,419 Reviews
This was a very original piece I liked that you could interpret the piece in different ways; siding with the man or against him. I also thought it was nice that it was a quick, kindof light, read but still had something interesting to leave the reader thinking about. I couldn't really find any spelling or grammar mistakes. I would suggest like the other comment above said to elaborate on the man's wife with maybe some descriptions about her or take her out. Also you could maybe use a little more description towards the end of the story when the man's up in heaven, so that it's not just descriptions about the color of it. Oh and I also really liked how you spaced the paragraphs in this so that it was easy to read, instead of putting it into one big blob of words!! Thanks for posting this story, it made me think!
This piece was interesting.
I thought it was cool/sad that he had to die to realize the beauty of simple things in life, yet even after he died, he finally saw what he was missing out on. Kinda sad on his part. This piece made me think; would i rather live in the now, or live life knowing that I was blessed with simple things? I guess it made me think of the many things i have that should be counted as a blessing, rather than treat them as if "it's soooo yesterday" stuff
Bravo! very questioning, and well written.
keep it coming!
--Ash
Awesome work! The only grammatical issue I found was the word "or" spelled "ot" in the big paragraph. Or maybe you meant for it to be that way. I like the way it relates to how people can become absorbed in their everyday lives and never stop to look around them, to enjoy everything around them. It really makes you think. Keep up the epic work!
Hi,
My name's Victoria and I'm here to review
The idea of your short abstract is very interesting. I liked it how it gives the reader space to interpret the story him/herself.
Here are some slight remarks:
"...colours or sunset..."
The word "man" is kind of repetetive here. I don't think it's necessary. Maybe just replace the first "man" with "he"?
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I also suggest you to try and experiment - play with words, make the descriptions (of the sky) more vivid to show what kind of beauty the man was missing. I think that just describing the colors and "facts" (sunsets, clouds) is not enough. Try comparing the sky to something... Just challenge your imagination! And don't get me wrong - you don't need to simply add descriptive words, that'll make it worse and very unnatural. I'd suggest to just sit back, really imagine the best views you'd seen and then trying to put it into words. Imagine a person who has really never seen the sky, a blind person perhaps, and try describing it to him.
Also, maybe add some more details about his wife to contrast him. Otherwise the wife just appeared out of the blue and thus her opinion doesn't seem very valuable.
Hmm... I believe that's it. Hope to read an improved version soon - you definitely have it in you somewhere!
I really loved this, especially the ending. It makes you completely change your previous opinion about him. I found it really interesting and would like to see a bit more elaboration in parts, especially the part when he is on his death bed. Overall great work, and very original!