Published March 14, 2013
Hai guys. New Version of this is up!
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139,521 Literary Works • 672,596 Reviews
Yeah, I would definantly recommend you add as much clarity as you can. But the style is epic and sweeping for sure
Hi there polinkacreations,
Llamahorse to review.
Your style is wonderful, it just swept me away!
I think you made a great choice not to give to much information away and let the reader put together the puzzle pieces himself.
I loooove the line ''The story begins, like many others in this twisted world, with an argument without resolution, a conflict of interest and one man's desire to control the masses.''
I wish i had thought of that.
Just a few things from the receiving end.
In the end when you say ''it'', do you mean the dream catcher? Shouldn't you say he?
I think you should describe the Drais further still to emphasize the hardships you are going through.
I hope you present the character as well in the next chapter.
can't wait for the continuation of this story.
In here you made some of these paragraphs to big.
I have no idea what war you are talking about.
(and one can decide for themselves.)I am not quit sure what you mean here.
It might help if you were more specific about date of the place and time in you story is in. I am still not sure wither it is in the future or in the past.
What is (it) at the End.
Mayne i am to impatient for the other chapter if there is one but hopefully you can explain what (it) is then.
Keep writing and good luck.