I Live On The Shore.

by poet

I Live On The Shore.

My home is a castle that rests near the tide line.
I hoped to make it sturdy so it could survive the waves;
But it's made of sand to remind me of the land on which I once lived.

I'd like to consider residence in the sea,
Where my house could be made of lime minerals,
And I'd forever be secure.

However your currents are unknown to me.
And I'm not ever sure of where you're headed in life.

So I'll remain here on the shore and maybe every once-in-awhile;
Get a glance of the ocean from a sand-made window pane.

Maybe one day I'll conquer my aquaphobia,
And I'll run through the coral reef to you;
Crushing my castle in the process.
To assure myself I wont turn back.

If I could only see through your opaque waters;
And into your heart.
Would I forever be content.

-poet

Comments & reviews · 7
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greymachine Comment

I feel that I was able to grasp the emotion in this poem, but on the other hand I had to give it a bit of thought.
Overall it was a bit vague, but it had creative metaphor's and it did not seem overly done.Great poem!!

I loved this poem, but where you talking about a sandcastle you live in because it sounded a little like that.
I'm not a very good reviewer. I enjoyed it, it also sounded like a love poem. You're style is very unique

User avatar
UCntCMee
Review

Hey there! I loved this. I thought it had moments of happiness and sadness, and the end even made me "Awe!" out loud! I agree with wewinwelose about the mineral part. I think lime should be left out. Other than that, awesome poem.
-UCntCMee

Random avatar
poet
Comment

Chynel- Hahha, yes, I do.

wewinwelose- This poem is very metaphorical poem.
I'm not literally talking about the sea, I'm talking about two different people.
One made of sand, on dry land, but isn't very sturdy.
And one made of lime minerals, who is very sturdy, (the security) but lives in the ocean where I'm afraid to go.
So that's why I'm talking to the ocean as a person.
I'd hoped that people would understand that the ocean is a person, seeing as I'm speaking to it..

I hope I helped, and answered your questions to the fullest about this poem.
PM me if you're further interested.

User avatar
wewinwelose
Review

I love the poem, even though it's not anything within what I would normally read or write. It seems to have a touch of originality to it that makes it interesting. Just a few things I'd like to point out though:

My home is a castle that rests near the tide line.
I hoped to make it sturdy so it could survive the waves;
But it's made of sand to remind me of the land on which I once lived. Maybe I'm just being stupid, but I don't fully understand this line. Did you once live away from the beach? It makes the reader have to read through the entire poem just to be able to GUESS at what you're talking about and I'm still slightly confused :/ maybe I'm just being stupid though.

I'd like to consider residence in the sea,
Where my house could be made of lime minerals,The "lime" in this line throws off the rhythm, maybe just say minerals?
And I'd forever be secure.Why would you be secure? Are there no sharks? No predators? Maybe you should expand on this, explain why you're secure or change it to forever being happy?

However your currents are unknown to me.
Your? Who is this that you're talking to? You start out talking to the reader and now you're talking to the sea? I'm confused.....how bout trying "their?"
And I'm not ever sure of where you're headed in life."You're" yet again....still confused.

So I'll remain here on the shore and maybe every once-in-awhile;
Get a glance of the ocean from a sand-made window pane.And we are back to talking to the reader

Maybe one day I'll conquer my aquaphobia,
And I'll run through the coral reef to you;
Crushing my castle in the process.
To assure myself I wont turn back.
I like this stanza :)
If I could only see through your opaque waters;
And into your heart.
Would I forever be content.

User avatar
chynelk5
Comment

I love it <3
I'm just wondering but do you actually have aquaphobia?
It's quite a sad poem, a longing poem but it's such a good read.
Keep up the great work! :]
Chynel.



“I am not worried, Harry," said Dumbledore, his voice a little stronger despite the freezing water. "I am with you.”
— Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince