China, 1294, a place of great commerce once, until Emperor Kublai Khan stole it’s riches and made it a place of poverty. Though Buddhism was popular in Mongolia, Kublai Khan came to hate Buddhism, for his father left him when he was seven to follow the eight fold path. His bitterness became hate towards Buddhists, and he swore to eliminate them all. Of course, he kept that a secret from all of his subjects, and acted that he loved Buddhists, so he would seem like the the last person but this story starts differently. It starts with me, Mai Chea.
It was late morning, and my big sister Jade had asked me to buy some rice. I was 13 at the time. My short ratty black hair fell in front of my brown eyes. I was wearing torn old tunic, which were usually made for men, because that was the only thing I could find. I was a bit of an eyesore. There was a smell of fresh sweet buns in the air. The markets were filled with traders with carts full of imported items from europe and india, and the stupid citizens falling for their high priced tricks. Best tea in five miles. Hah. But there at the end of the street, was a lonely cart full of rice, with one short man.
The man’s name was Rice Guy. His name was something like….um….that doesn't matter. He was an old friend, who always gave us discounts. His rice was the only we could afford. I bought a bag of rice, and went on my way.
As I was walking home, I noticed there was a man in all black silk, a scarf covering his mouth, staring at me with cold black eyes. If only I had taken in account of him, she would still be here, and I would never be in this situation.
When I got back home, if you could call it that, it was more like a shack that barely fit there, my Lawliet, my eight year old sister, and Leo, my twin brother, were making a mess, trying to take care of my baby sister, Ryuna. And then there was Jade, my big sister. She was more like our mom than our sister, she cooked, cleaned, and dealt with 4 hyperactive kids, and the mess we brought. The proof was the black rings under her eyes, from the lack of sleep. And how did she do all of this without losing her top: Buddhism. She believed that what goes around comes around, and that peace is better than violence. And she had us take an hour out of every day meditate. We had a dinner of the rice I bought earlier today, and leftover wheat noodles from last night, on our old wooden table, which had been around for ten years. After dinner, we meditated for an hour.
“Remember, always follow the Darmha and the Buddha.” She said as we meditated During the meditation, I remember seeing a flash of black, that I thought was a bird. After we meditated, me and Lawliet had a burst of energy, so Jade made us and Leon go outside. We walked around our street, and came back. When we saw the lights had been blown out, we knew something was wrong, because Jade would never turn off the lights until we were all in the house.
“Maybe she’s asleep” Leon said. As we entered, we saw everything in shambles.
“Jade, Ryuna” I yelled as I ran into the corner of the shack we called a bedroom
As I ran in, I saw the fresh blood on the walls, dripping down. And in the middle of the wreckage, I saw the image that still haunts me. There were Jade and Ryuna, dead on the ground, one knife in Jade’s head, and and an arrow through Ryuna’s heart, eyes still wide open, and standing beside them, was a man covered head to toe in black silk, from his long robe to his scarf covering his face. There was the fresh blood of my sisters in the bottom of the robe.
“Jade, Ryuna, oh no, oh no, this isn't real, its just a dream, a terrible dream, no.” I said to myself.
I could no longer feel my heart in my chest. All that was there was a large hole, sucking up my whole existence. I stared at them, hoping that is was only a dream, hoping that any moment now I would jolt up to the smell of rice and dumplings. But, no, I was there were my dead sisters, and that man, with a knife in his hand. I wanted to run, but I was paralyzed from fear.
“I’m next.” I thought to myself. His knife came down and I knew I was dead. But then something blocked the knife.
“Leon.” I thought. I saw it in slow motion. The knife coming for Leon’s heart, the terrified face on Lawliet, the man’s cold black eyes, piercing into my soul. I pulled down Leon in time so the knife only cut his left shoulder. Though as I pulled, the knife cut my left arm. The man turned around and faced Lawliet. She was huddled in a corner. All of a sudden he grabbed her with one hand and stuffed her into a sack. I knew he would be after me next. He would probably kill Leon, after all, he is almost dead already. I hid the unconscious Leon under the loose piece of wood that lead to the underground room we built last year. I knew the only way I would get Lawliet back is if I could get into wherever he was taking her. And he probably wasn't alone. For all I knew, there were tons of people like him waiting for me to try to escape. So I let him take me.
All I remember was being stuffed into the sack, I blacked out from blood loss. I guess the cut was deeper that I thought. When I woke, I was in a prison cell, alone. Around a half an hour later, a man with an outrageously oversize straw hat walked into the room, and stopped by my cell.
“Looks like you need some help.” He said. He told me his name was Doctor Wu, and that he was the leader for the Earuminati, and organization to get rid of Kublai Khan. He told me where Lawliet was. He also told me he needed information on Buddhism, so I taught him the basics. Less than an hour after that, I was dragged out of my cell, and taken to see the emperor. He was a fat old man. People kept on chanting “ All hail Emperor Kublai Khan, lord of China, Lord of all.” I think I was supposed to chant too, because the guard next to me kept on elbowing me in the ribs. I growled at him, then attempted to bite. No way would I chant to a fat old man who ordered my sisters to be killed. I prayed they hadn’t killed Lawliet, and that Leon was safe in his little underground room. The guard sat me down, in front of a table full of food. All the guards left, and I was left with the chubby old man. I looked down at the food, I pretty fancy food. There was dishes of meat and fish, stuff only rich people could buy. But for all I know, there was poison in it, so I didn’t eat it.
Hello you stupid Buddhist, have some food.” He said, Like a crazed old fool. I think all the food that guy ate messed up his brain. I give him a fake smile.
“Could you let me and my sister go?” I said in a high voice, trying to sound nice. It was hard to act nice to the man responsible for your sisters’ death. The emperor smirked. All of a sudden Doctor Wu came in with a crossbow loaded with a noodle. I grinned. This guy looked outrageous with his overly large hat, and his noodle crossbow. He ran in, and wrapped a large noodle around Kublai Khan’s neck.
“Your sister is down in the dungeons.” He yelled
I ran down the staircase. There was Lawliet, shaking in her cell. Her eyes red from crying. I found a loose piece of wire, and picked the lock. And we ran for the exit.
We got home, and saw everything in order. And on the couch was Leon.
The next day I found out that Doctor Wu had died that day to. An ox trampled him. Who knows, maybe it was Kublai Khan angry spirit getting revenge. That day was also the day we had a funeral for Jade and Lily. It was pouring rain, which I hated, because I usually loved the rain. There were the caskets donated to us. I couldn't bear to look at their bodies. It just reminded me of the horrific death that they faced. I wish she had reached Nirvana, like she had always wished. That is when it hit me. We were all alone. Jade was the one who kept us out of trouble. She was the one who worked for the food we ate. I didn't know what to do. I would be up to me to take care of Lawliet and leon, because I do not trust anything where Leon is in charge. So I sat down, and thought of what I had to do.
It was evening, and I was still sitting on the grass, next to Jade’s grave, on the highest hillside in town, the prayer ceremony over with. I realized I had
been there for hours. I came home, and saw Leon and Lawliet sleeping. That night, I dreamt of Jade and Ryuna, and their deaths. I woke sobbing, and thats when a I had that vision. Jade had reached Nirvana. She had chosen the middle path. It helped ease the pain, but to this day, I have vivid nightmares of their deaths.
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The title of this story drew me in! I loved the facts you used and how you described the desperation of your character's situation. Like @EternalRain said, some more emotion would be nice. Over all, though, this was a great story that made me like your protagonist and hate the antagonist. Can't wait for your next story!
Ooh! The first things that stood out to me was the length (lengthy, but not too long that I'm antsy and anxious to finish) and your title. A Bloody Path to Nirvana. Creepy but interesting! Nice captivation.
Your writing overall could use some work (who's can't?).
She had a nightmare, and just sobs. Then we move on. Ohhkay. So, how're they feeling about that? Really the only emotion I get from 'sobbing' is sadness. What good does that do? Nothing. Right. More! Was her heart pounding hard, squeezing her chest? Emotions make a reader relate and react to a story. If it's bland like this, well then, bleh.
This one is good, however. Try to make them all more like this.
Spoiler
That's just a small suggestion I have to offer. Keep writingg and good luck,
~ EternalRain ^.^
I like how you incorporated a lot of historical facts. I wonder if you could have made a better cliff hanger though. I also like how you described things with lots of detail. I wonder if you could have included more earlier information about her sister that died so it would be more dramatic
hellooo