Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Romantic

E - Everyone

carpentry, trivial i know

by pmmurphy


she etches things in wood with her hands

i guess that's her way of letting me be hollow inside.
i'm carved open, closed shut.
everything around my inner core is patented suffering.

i guess shes not much of a nail biter
nor do her hands shake before laying forward
letting me know how she splinters
every time we touch.

she doesn't cry.

life tends to lead us on bumpy roads
not smooth surfaces.
living with my faults is how she breathes
it tests us and keeps us together.
i love the sounds of carpentry
and echo through my own woods.

the trees are tall,
and im always around to hear them
even if they collapse one by one.

she holds me upright like some lumberjack needing
a back brace.

keep days from falling too quickly
if you pick it back up and move forward your hoping
that tomorrow is going to be a happy day.
she lends me her heart
picking through the leaves
leaving the scrapings around this wooden heart.

its a delicate year my love
i'm only as sharp as others have made me.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
562 Reviews


Points: 14535
Reviews: 562

Donate
Sun Dec 30, 2018 10:09 am
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hi Shikora here with a review.

This was a really lovely poem you have wrote here, I really like the message you have put through the words. As I read it I could feel every emotion going through every word. You wrote this really well.
I really like the name to this poem, it is just the perfect. It has this way of puling the reader in, at least that's what it did to me. I think you have a real skill.

Now there was one thing that bugged me just a little. With some of the sentences it just felt like they should be joined.

she holds me upright like some lumberjack needing
a back brace.

This one of the sentences that i feel should be put into one. Put that could just be me.

The next thing is very small. The sentences after the full stop should have a capitol.

So that's all from me for now. I really liked reading and reviewing this work and I hope to see more poems from you. I hope you have a great day/night. And happy review day.

Your friend
Shikora.

Image




User avatar
62 Reviews


Points: 2406
Reviews: 62

Donate
Wed Dec 19, 2018 4:45 pm
Anniepoo103 wrote a review...



Hello, Anne here for a review!
First of all, I thought that your outlook and general message of this poem was very intriguing. From the very beginning, I couldn't wait to get to the end of your poem just so I could know how it ends!
I did notice a few issues with your grammar, but nothing too major. For example:
"life tends to lead us on bumpy roads
not smooth surfaces.
living with my faults is how she breathes
it tests us and keeps us together.
i love the sounds of carpentry
and echo through my own woods."
I would put a comma after how she breathes, when the reader reads this, there should be a pause to help the message get across more clearly! Other than that, I would this was amazing!
Have a wonderful day,
- Anne (:





This is the way the world ends, not with a bang but a whimper.
— T.S. Eliot