QED

Nice going there this poem is so "wierd" in an intriguing way as I am trying to figure out out what you basically wrote. And I do not know if its a good or a bad thing. Anyways hope I will be able to get it. Just give me a moment!

Ookkkk ssoooo here goes..
This is a broken from from the looks of it.
The stanzas look as if they were written in smashed glass pieces...
They connect to each other but are simple broken! I did not get much theme here but the exptessions were subtle but strong!! Also it has got so much neutrality! Hope you will revise this onve again and improvise this to make it something that the minds of people like mine can absorb your piem lol....I am not saying anything badly I am just giving some advice opinion and suggestion only. Hope I was of some help to you. B-)

Hi Pletta,

I seemed to understand this poem, but at the same time I didn't. And in the end it made me feel sad and lost, a bit ashamed of the world we live in. I think, that was your aim with this poem. To shed a light on our harsh world.

I agree with mightaswellbuyacat though. This seemed like a very loose and disjointed poem, but I think it would make a pretty awesome song. It has a very nice rhythm to it. Best of luck with that! I hope you are someone who sings XD

Deanie x

Okay the whole time I read this I was like "this could be the prettiest, most messed up song ever!". Seriously, put some guitar to this shit! (pardon the language, I just like it that much :p). The only correction I would say for this is to remember your commas/ other punctuation at the ends of all your lines. This really sheds light on the weird, sad but beautiful world around us. Great Job!
Happy Writing!