Deadly Beauty

I’m not sure if the humour was intentional, but I was definitely laughing. I thought it was a man she fancied, but then your descriptions puzzled me. I thought, “How can people be scared of someone’s beauty?” and “why is he terrifyingly perfect?”. I had to read it thrice to check if I was wrong. And, I was! The last sentence, “snakes weren’t that scary after all”, confirmed it. It was very entertaining; I enjoyed reading it. Well done, and keep writing!

Hey there! Snakes are lovely creatures. :3

One quick housekeeping thing. You probably want to fix the break here:

"Just as I rounded the path a ways away from my residency I ran into another

being."

And now, onto the meat of the review. This is largely going to be me blathering theory, sorry.

All words carry both a connotation and a denotation. To quote the CSU page: "Connotation refers to the wide array of positive and negative associations that most words naturally carry with them, whereas denotation is the precise, literal definition of a word that might be found in a dictionary." For example, "cry", "sob", and "weep" all have the same dictionary definition, the same denotation--to shed tears. However, their connotations are quite different--"cry" is relatively neutral, baseline so to speak, and often implies an obvious emotion. Noise is usually involved. "Sob" focuses strongly open the noise--sobbing involves lots of noise and is also quite obvious. "Weep" implies more dignity, tears in silence, but can also be rather archaic and should be used carefully.

Make sure your word choice matches up with the images and impressions you want to convey, in connotation as well as denotation, and place your words carefully--avoid using rarer words simply because they are rare. Sometimes, too, it is better to use plain words and save vivid words for key moments, like sculpting metal around a gem rather than encrusting something in gems. Word choice is not the only way to create vividness, too--consider syntax, ordering. I recommend reading "Living Like Weasels" by Annie Dillard. I think you'll like it: http://www.courses.vcu.edu/ENG200-lad/dillard.htm

Currently, the word choice in the story gives the impression of an elaborate, perhaps even ornate speaker. One who is rather young, perhaps a bit dramatic, as they use strong and somewhat archaic words to describe an everyday happening. Some words that especially cause this: wicked, wrath, humble abode, queasily, veritably. These words, like "weep", can sound archaic outside of certain contexts. The rhetorical questions early on also created that effect. I'm not sure if that was what you were going for--if it wasn't, you might want to swap out a few of those words.

Other than that, I have to say that... hmm. Words fail me. This story, to me small but glimmering like a glass globe in a hand, framing, reflecting a golden world. I enjoyed the twist at the end, the loveliness of the snake. There are sparks of light in the everyday. Your story seeks to show us that, I think, and it does.

Thank you for sharing. And welcome to YWS!

-- Review by Falah

Hi.
Before I review, I must say: Welcome to YWS!
I love this simple story and the way you described about almost anything in this story. However, you still left something in this story....yes something.....but what was it?..A hole...or the lacking description of the main character. Who was he or she? I know it was a girl but it could be a boy. At least put something that describe it. Such as her/his hairs because some people will know instantly when his/her hairs are long, it must be a girl or even the usage of brunet/brunette and blond/blonde. Besides that there weren't much of errors but still you had to repair it. Sorry for my less description about your errors. Anyways, this was a good story and I hope you continue to write and write and write but don't forget to review others' work too. I hope this helped and good luck.

~Mikaela~