Birds of a Feather

Hallo! Retro is here as promised

I shall do some nitpicks before talking about what I liked, okay?

First off I just want to mention the rhyme scheme. This thing is with a rhyme scheme it has a large impact on metre and you have to be careful not to outbalance beats which in places you do. The prime example being 'you'll be there, comforting me.' That one comma throws out the line so i'd have a read aloud and see what you think :3


' You and I are birds of a feather

Two peas in a pod are we

Through high tides and stormy weather

By my side is where you'll be '

You need a full stop after 'we' and 'be'. You also need a comma after feather

In fact the full stops apply to every stanza the end of the second and final line

Well that is it for actual nitpicks. My only suggestion would be put more of a punch into the friendship. You could create lovely images of a bird and feather or what this is. Make it more personal perhaps, but at the same time that could just be how i like my writing so yeah it isn't a nitpick as much as a suggestion

Onto what I liked. I really like the friendship idea, you have a really good awww factor in the poem which comes across nicely. Also, impressingly the rhyme doesn't feel that forced and it really aids the flow and ebb of the piece. So yeah you have a good sweet piece here! But, with a little work it could be excellent i'm sure

Keep it up,
here if you need me!
~Retro

"You and I are birds of a feather
Two peas in a pod are we"
These two lines are fine, but perhaps a comma after feather and a full stop after we.
Through high tides and stormy weather
By my side is where you'll be.
This rhyme seems a little forced, perhaps change it to something rhyming with sea (to give you an idea " you helped me through my sorrow's sea." just to give it a little metaphor. )

"And even though I have other friends"
Fine but it seems to me that "even" has one too many syllables. Consider "And though I have my other friends"
"You're kept as best company"
Comma at the end. Also perhaps this time one too few syllables.
"Because as my whole world ends"
Fine.
You'll be there, comforting me.
Perhaps change to "you'll be there to comfort me".

"And when we've grown old and brittle"
Comma, this is probably your best verse here.
"Feeble, decrepit, and worn"
Comma/colon. I would consider changing it instead to a list, missing out the "and" and replacing it with a two syllable adjective like the others, for instance "aged" or "ancient. "
"Our time left on this earth will be little"
Comma, other than that fine.
"'But our friendship will still be sworn"
Fine.

I'm sorry if this review is particularly nitpicky: please remember this is all just my opinion.
I don't normally review line by line but your poetry is incredibly similar to my own, so it is easy to pick at to match my taste.
Anyway, if you want any poems reviewing, don't hesitate to ask!
Take That You Fiend!

Hey, here to do a review!

I'm not one for happy, lovey poems (That's what it seemed to be to me), but I really enjoyed this. The rhyme really made this entertaining for me, and reading it in my head I read it in rhythm.

The ending was beautiful, the best part of the whole poem because it really shows the connection you, or whoever you wrote this about, really does love the person. Its really rare for me to find a love poem, or a happy poem, which I enjoy reading, but I feel like I could read this over and over and enjoy it just the same every single time.

I found no grammar mistakes, or spelling mistakes (Mind you, I am not a grammar Nazi), but I may have simply over looked them, or they might not be there, which it seems like they aren't/

Wonderful job, keep up the good work

Hi, I'm Incogneato, and I am here to give you a quick review!

Well, I really enjoyed reading this poem. It seems like you could you could use this for so many different types of relationships. The way you wrote it makes it look like just a best-friend relationship, but I like that it could very possibly be used as a girlfriend--boyfriend, or marriage relationship. It was kind of cliche, but in this case, I liked it like that!

You rhyme scheme was pretty good. The last rhyme in the last stanza felt a little iffy, but besides that I liked all of the other rhymes. They flowed really well!

I also like the decision to not have punctuation. It keeps everything really nice and tidy! It helps to not disturb flow. I think if you ever have a friend that is this fantastic, you should dedicate it to them! This would be a super-duper honor! Great poem!

*Vanishes*

Oh, I like it! I am really digging happy, friendly poems these days, I guess. I like especially how you used cliched phrases to bring lightness to the poem. It's not that the cliches lessened your poem. Instead, they gave character to the speaker of the poem -- someone who'd use the cliches to describe their friendship, and cilches are often pretty useful when used in spoken language, hah.

The one thing I'd like to see you improve on is paying closer attention to the number of syllables in each line AND the stress pattern of each line.

The first stanza's pretty solid, although keeping the last line in the same rhythm as the first three requires forcing stress on "my" in "my side", where usually we'd say "my SIDE".

You can read a little more about stressing syllables in these two articles from the Poetry Tutorials section of the Knowledge Base forum.

It's mainly a matter of trying to get the lines so that readers read them as they'd naturally read them AND they just happen to work out to be the right meter and number of syllables. If you still don't understand after those two articles (which is understandable, since they aren't the clearest), let me know and I'll go through each line to count the syllables and show the stress with you!

If you have any other questions about this review, let me know in PM or as a reply to the review.
Good luck and keep writing!

Hannah