Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.
Gina P.O.V.
Where am I, where is my family?
Looking around, all I could see was black. No outlines or anything; just darkness. I stretched out my arms in search of a light switch of a sort, but I had no luck. Instead, I felt a cloth-like material, cold to the touch.
My heart stopped as I suddenly heard a sound, kinda like a scratching noise. I shut my eyes trying not to think about all that could be out there at this current moment. Maybe, what felt like ten minutes later I tried to reach out again hoping to find something, but this time I did feel something. It was wood, Red-Oak, freshly cut and sanded you see I used to be in Woods class at school so that's how I could tell it was wood. I had this class with Mr. Mackler in tenth grade but the best part was I was the only girl. He wasn't the nicest guy you could meet but, he did help you out when you needed it. My favorite class was Art, because he was there; tall dark and mysterious. But, that part of the story comes a little later, well even if their is a later.
This is it, it all makes sense. I am inside of coffin that was hand-made just for me. Only one person knows my height and measurements but he wouldn't do that to me. Memories started to pour into my head as i remembered all that happened to me:
FLASHBACK TO EARLIER THAT DAY:
Ouch my head, why does this always happen to me? Huh, where am I and why do I feel so strange?
I opened my eyes to see a bright light not like that you dead light but like a hospital light.
“Oh good you’re awake. I thought the knock out gas we used was too strong for you. Guess we were wrong huh, next time we will use a stronger dose on you.” I heard a voice say coming from what seemed like the left side.
'There was a mask; kinda like a breathing mask, but it was not pumping out oxygen but an unknown gas. My mind went black as my vision blurred out as I breathed the gas in, I did not want to but it was either that or death.
“It has nothing to do what you have done, but what your parents have done. Don’t even try to cover for them either or act like you don’t know what I’m talking about.”
"'Hello? Can anyone hear me? Helloo? I am not dead yet! HELP ME PLEASE!' I screamed at the top of my lungs, hoping someone would hear me.
I lost all hope as reality hit me: No one is going to save me and even if they did how would they even find me? I'm in a damn coffin for goodness sake!
*CRINGES* Hi, J here for a review.
Well I'm officially creeped out. I love that story it was creepy and dark and suspenceful. Granted there is some editing to be done but I can over look that. I like the length of this story you said half of what you needed to say which just made it even more creepy. I've always loved this type of story and you have a knack for writing it. I hope to see you write more of this soon.
Good Job and Keep Writing!!
*CRINGES* Hi, J here for a review.
Well I'm officially creeped out. I love that story it was creepy and dark and suspenceful. Granted there is some editing to be done but I can over look that. I like the length of this story you said half of what you needed to say which just made it even more creepy. I've always loved this type of story and you have a knack for writing it. I hope to see you write more of this soon.
Good Job and Keep Writing!!
*CRINGES* Hi, J here for a review.
Well I'm officially creeped out. I love that story it was creepy and dark and suspenceful. Granted there is some editing to be done but I can over look that. I like the length of this story you said half of what you needed to say which just made it even more creepy. I've always loved this type of story and you have a knack for writing it. I hope to see you write more of this soon.
Good Job and Keep Writing!!
Hello! DragonNoir here for a review!
I must admit, this is really suspenseful, enigmatic and effective. However, you did miss out a lot of punctuation, most commonly captial letters. Allow me to go through those mistakes:
"Where am i," The 'i' should be capital. This is repeated throughout the piece.
"Looking around all i could see was black, no outlines or anything just blackness. I tried to feel around for a light switch of some kind but, no luck instead i felt a cloth like material that was cold to the touch." This could be rewritten more effectively as:
"Looking around, all I could see was black. No outlines or anything; just darkness. I stretched out my arms in search of a light switch of a sort, but I had no luck. Instead, I felt a cloth-like material, cold to the touch."
"'Hello can anyone hear me? Hello i am not dead hear! HELP ME PLEASE' I screamed at the top of my lungs hoping someone would hear." This part could be rewritten as:
"'Hello? Can anyone hear me? Helloo? I am not dead yet! HELP ME PLEASE!' I screamed at the top of my lungs, hoping someone would hear me."
Now, on a more positive note, you used italics effectively to show thoughts of the main character, although this could have been incorporated into the piece itself, since it's in first person. Overall, a very suspenseful and effective piece, but you could improve your grammar and punctuation.
I hope this review helped!
Hello there, pirates!
Woah. This was super short! Thanks for giving me something to review real quick. XD
I like how you have the protagonist as confused as the reader here. You've established the fact that she's in the dark - both physically and emotionally - about whatever's going on here. But, like I said, this was so short, and you didn't add any other elements and it went by so quickly, I blinked and it was over.
What felt like ten minutes went by and nothing happened.
Wait this can't be true. Am i.... am i dead? No that is impossible i can't be dead. I have my whole life ahead of me.
I tried to feel around for a light switch of some kind but, no luck instead i felt a cloth like material that was cold to the touch.
Hello i am not dead hear!
What's up? Charlotte here for a review.
This was interesting. You classed it as a novel/chapter but there doesn't seem to be much of a novel there. This is short and there isn't much detail. That being said I did like this. It is suspenseful and will make a good horror story in time.
I see you have some lower case 'i's' in there. One of the keys to good writing is edit, edit and edit some more.
I feel like this would be an amazing story but you need to add more detail and make sure you check over before posting it
I did like this very much, it just needs enhancement in it's detail.
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