Fashion?

Weather here to review. New member here so please tell me if this review made more sense than nonsense.

I'm not really huge on rhyming poems but I guess this one worked with it fairly well. However there is an unequal syllable and line length in each line so to smooth things out a bit I'd suggest cutting out unnecessary words.

"Fashion is about style,
But only for a while."

Instead of a comma after "style", there should be a full stop to indicate that the sentence had ended or keep the comma but write the next line in lower case to show that the sentence has not finished.

"Then you have to 'try' and fit in,
But then you're really just hidden."

Same issue with punctuation here. I didn't feel the need to put the word, "try" in quotation marks, add that in when you really want to emphasize or mock a term. I would have also preferred to see more emotion in this poem in general, It's a very good moral message you have going on but I felt nothing in particular.

"So, are we just fashionable or hiding from the world?
Well, why not stand out and show them who you really are and always will be."

Although the line lengths here were awkward, i loved the simplicity of the main message at the end here so well done!

Hope I made more sense than nonsense.

-weather

Deadman here with a review for you today! I'd like to start off with saying that this topic is a perfect topic. So many people have to, well as you said it. "'try' to fit in" As Emerald said, it is great that you are tackling the topic of conforming. I know we've all tried at one point.

So your rhyming is solid here, and your formatting is great. You don't have much in the way of grammar issues. However you do have punctuation issues.

"So are we just fashionable or hiding from the world." This should really end with a question mark. It is perfectly fine to ask a question in your poem, and if you do you should definitely end it with a question mark. Also after "So" there should probably be a comma.

"Well, why not stand out and them who you really are and always will be." Again, this is a question, rhetorical but nonetheless a question. Also you seem to have forgotten a word. "stand out and them who you really are" You could make it any of these variations. "stand out and show them who you really are" or "stand out and tell them who you really are". Of the two the first recommendation sounds the best to me, but this is your poem so in the end it's your choice one what you do with it.

Okay, well not much to tackle, just a few nitpicks. I really liked the poem and how you tackled a common problem in todays society. Great job! Welcome to YWS, I hope you're enjoying it and until next time, happy writing!



Cheers,




Deadman XD

is the last line supposed to be
"
Well, why not stand out and "tell" them who you really are and always will be"? like why go the hardway trying to communicate through fashion?

Hello.
So the write up caught my eye and I thought I would review.
‘Fashion is about style.’
This is a fairly non-descript opening, but it establishes the topic of your work well.
‘But only for a while.’
I wasn’t quite sure what you were insinuating here, but it does become clear…
‘Then you have to ‘try’ and fit in’
I like the fact that you’re targeting conformity here. Good.
‘But then you’re really just hidden’
You have a great message about losing your identity.
‘So are we just fashionable or hiding from the world.’
I feel like you should have a question mark at the end of this line, despite the fact it is really a rhetorical question.
Also, there are some grammatical errors in your final line:
‘Well, why not stand out and them who you really are and always will be.’
There should be a ‘show them’ and another question mark is needed at the end.
It’s difficult to rate this for literary effects, because it is so factual.
However, you’ve made some great comments here.