Author's Note: This is a series of super short stories. Some aspects of the story are based very loosely on "The Phantom of the Opera." by Andrew Lloyd Weber
Phantom carried himself through a maze of stairways and corridor's just to reach the place. He looked on high at the girl he loved, wishing she could be with him for just one day. He was a prisoner; shunned by the world he had known. He had only this one friend. This girl who knew him only as a voice; her angel of inspiration. Up till now, that's all he'd been to her. But soon...soon things would change....
* * *
Kitty's hands were folded together as if in prayer. She could hear music playing along the hallway, and through her door. Suddenly, she could hear the voice again, whispering around the room. It was a friendly, familiar voice; almost as if her guardian angel himself were speaking with her.
"You remember what I taught you," the voice said, "There's no reason to be scared."
"But I am," Kitty said, "Writing 101 finals are tomorrow. I'm so worried I won't pass. I'm...I mean, I..."
"Kitty," the voice said, echoing around the room, "Write with me. Let me be your literary voice. Then you'll know that you have nothing to fear."
Kitty picked up her pen (she was already sitting at her desk) and began to write. She heard his voice, and it mixed with hers, until the two became one in her head, and the words flowed freely and beautifully from her ball-point pen.
* * *
Stein's School for Gifted Young Writers was a high school for only the top writers in the country. The best writing teacher's available congregated there; devoted to one thing, and one thing only; teaching students hows to write. At Stein, writing was everything.
It was plain to see why Kitty was so stressed over the paper. She was walking a fine line as it was;what with having missed so many writing jams over the course of the last week to be alone with her voice. She hoped spending as much time with him as she had would pay off as she stood up to recite the piece she had written.
"Well I'll say," Mrs. Houghton said, looking impressed as Kitty finished reading, "Where do you get all these outstanding, plot ideas, Miss Kitty?"
Kitty smiled distantly, and gazed towards the window, "Oh, from my voice," she said. She wondered if he was there with her at that very moment as well, smiling too.
. . .To be continued...
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139,876 Literary Works • 672,783 Reviews
Hiya,
So, this does have some potential, but as it is right now, I was actually cracking up as I read this. I REALLY don't mean to be mean, but it started all dramatically, just to have a person fretting about finals for a class called "Writing 101" (which is sort of... cliche). Also, the name of the person goes from "Kitty" to "Destiny", which is slightly confusing. On top of that, there are a few things that need to be changed:
"He was a prisoner; shunned by the world he had known." The semicolon here should be a colon.
"She could hear music playing along the hallway, and through her door." The comma is unneeded.
"The best writing teacher's available congregated there; devoted to one thing, and one thing only; teaching students how to write." You have to cut out the apostrophe, and the semicolons have to go. Try changing it to something like "...there, devoted to... only: teaching students..." or something like that. The point is, both of them are improperly used.
"She was walking a fine line as it was;what with having missed so many writing jams" This semicolon is iffy in my view. I feel it is improperly used, since it is followed by a dependent clause. A dash could substitute in for it.
"She hoped spending as much time with him as she had would pay off as she stood up to recite" There has to be a comma before the as since it is a fan boy separating two independent clauses.
"'Where do you get all these outstanding, plot ideas, Miss Kitty?'" Here, the comma can go.
"Kitty smiled distantly, and gazed towards the window" the comma can go here as well, because the second clause is dependent, not independent.
So there are quite a few things here that need to be changed and such. Like I said before, this does have potential. Clean it up some, and it would actually be pretty good.
Oh, and if you have any questions on what I said, feel free to message me.
Byebye now.
Hey Katie horse,
Me and some friends were bored one night and we came up with this idea randomly after singing "The music of the night" out of key. Thanks for the comments on grammar. Grammar isn't my favorite thing ^_^
I'm glad you were cracking up because it's supposed to be funny
-The Phantom
Hey, DNX here, this is a nice bit of work, and I am very much looking forward to what will follow this. As for mistakes:
1. "Corridor's". Try "Corridors".
2. "teaching students hows". Try "teaching students how".
Probably just typos, in which case just flaw-proof your work by reading it over. This piece was good, but not nearly long enough to give much effect, but it did serve its purpose: to introduce the central characters. As for Kitty, I do not understand her character. I can see she is clearly a fantastic writer, and the voice of the man inspires her, but aside from that she doesn't have a very unique personality. But, of course, this will be elaborated over the series of writings.
Good job, keep it up.
Regards
DNX