Published June 16, 2009
NOTE: I have hardly any sense of rhythm, and this poem was not intended to be particularly rhythmic. It doesn't have a set meter, but the syllabic pattern is the same throughout the poem: 8, 9, 9, 8.
When you Fall
Many people have heard of love,
The ecstasy of cloud number nine,
The feeling that makes you confident,
And makes you think everything's fine.
You're entranced with your ecstasy;
You pay no mind to what lies ahead
For you on life's long and winding road.
Smiles fade, and many tears are shed.
What if your love is all a joke,
A misconception, a hurtful lie,
You put your heart into somebody
And all you're left to do is cry.
As I sit here and reminisce,
I realize there's more to life than grief,
So I'll take back the shards of my heart,
Rise, and turn over a new leaf.
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139,679 Literary Works • 672,647 Reviews
That was a great poem about love and loss. It portrays that perfectly. Have you written prose before? I think you should consider it. And this is being really critical, but maybe you could think about putting more between the lines. Think Emily Dickenson, if you're familiar with her work.
That was grrrrreat!
Keep working hard. Gold star!
this poem is really nice, i liked it:) and the rhythm wasn't entirely bad. I can relate to this, and i enjoy that. the end was my favorite part though
keep at it,
-baileyboo:)
The pace, and the choice of 'slippery' (?) words, this poem feels like spinning.
Like a sort of sickly come wonderful sense of headlessness. Probably.
I see what you meant in your note but that doesn't really matter, all that matters is the content so don't ask why I even said that to begin with. Anyway, to the review type thingy, I'm going to give it a try.
I liked this poem, maybe because I could relate to it somehow but I don't know. The title was very appropriate and obviously caught my attention else I probably wouldn't have read this (shameful I know) Can't really think of anything else other to say than I really liked it, it seemed well thought out
Thank you! I had to edit it a lot!! When I first wrote it, the words literally just came, but it wasn't very rhythmic. It was OK, I guess, but I like this version a lot better. Thanks for the comment again!
this poem is very good! i love the ending