bad luck beats bruises into me. you are gone
with the fading days of summer. so begins
the season of my own undoing: i suppose by now
i should be used to it, the leaving & losing.
i suppose maybe i never even knew you.
it’s a burden i carry & a truth i try to wish away,
but no pennies can buy back the time. &
phone calls feel like far away cries of defeat.
i can’t measure our memories against the miles
that separate us — i know. but i can’t remember
the look on your face when you said goodbye, &
it makes me wonder if you were even real.
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140,258 Literary Works • 673,074 Reviews
No review, just here to say it's always a pleasure reading your poetry <3
Hi hi!
This is so beautiful! I don't read a lot of poetry, but this made me gasp when I read it! There's something special about your style to me ^-^
The narrator feels so helpless to me, and I like that! There is a good balance between personal reflections and some deeper philosophical ideas. I feel like it has a lot of unsettling vibes. In a good way though hahahah! The imagery of 'no pennies can buy back time' and the bruises... that's almost spooky! I think it's allegorical for summer ending, but it could mean so many other things, too.
Speaking of that. I relate to feeling bad about the summer ending! Change is really hard to accept, and this poem feels like it's talking about that idea. That's whether it's about a break up, a loss of someone, or summer ending. Versatility like that is great!
I wish some of your beautiful imagery was expanded on, though! This is directed towards someone, so maybe add something talking about a specific memory between them. Or use another sense for more sensory imagery! I'm not the best at ideas hahah, but I think there could be something more for context. Shorter poetry is great, of course, but this feels flat when it comes to actual emotions.
However, this is powerful either way! It is so raw and packed with authenticity! I was hanging on to every word, which almost never happens for me... So good!
~ Seoyoung
Hey friend! It is so wonderful to see you posting poetry and back on the site. I thought I would leave you a review for this wonderful poem with yours! Let's jump right into it, shall we?
Right from the very first sentences, this is so powerful. I love the alliteration that you use throughout, such on beats and bruises. Or on, leaving and losing, suppose, and should and season and summer. Fantastic work on this. I love how you broke up your sentences too. Your lines don't all end with commas or periods, they are broken up in a way that makes the flow work so well. I was incredibly engaged through the entire thing. Since it's basically the end of summer, I can relate to this a lot. It's almost like time is beating you up, and sometimes I wonder why I'm not used two things ending and hurting me by now. Because it still hurts every single time, even though people and things leave and I lose so much. It makes me think about what would've gained too, though.
I also loved how you ended this poem. It says if you were questioning if everything is real at all. Although I cannot relate to your exact situation, I found this poem, very relatable, as well as very personal. Your poetry is so incredibly beautiful and I hope that you know that. You're such an aesthetic and way of crafting your words into such a masterpiece that is just beautiful to look at and read and consume in every way. The alliteration was incredibly strong in this. I also like how you broke up the sentences. This gives such a sense of leaving things behind, which is actually exactly what I needed to read today since I am currently moving between countries. I'm leaving so much behind, but sometimes I wonder "since you just be used to this by now, it seems like everything good always goes away." so thank you so much for writing this and posting it at this time that I needed it. I feel more heard and seen after reading this and made my day better. Thank you for your wonderful poetry and have a fantastic day!
Your friend,
Ellie