Carry Me Chapter 2

here is chapter two. thanks for yeah

CHAPTER TWO / Colorado

1. LORD, My body has been a good friend.

Tony opened his eyes to sunlight. May was standing over him, waving her palms before his face.

“I brought you a muffin,” she said. “And some coffee. Its decaf, I didn’t want you to get to riled up.”

“Thanks…” he said, wiping the sleep off of his mouth. He felt unusually groggy and dirty.

“I’m going east,” she sat down in the armchair on one side of the room. “I’m putting my trust in the universe.”

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“Think about how unlikely it is!” she stood up.

“For what?” she was beginning to worry him.

“That you and I even exist, I mean, that my parents met and fucked out of all the people they could have had children with, and it’s the same for you. The chances that you and I have met and that your car would break down and get stolen must be inconceivable.”

“So let’s not try,” Tony said. “How much caffeine have you had?”

“That’s not funny,” May frowned. “Look, I’m going east with you or without you. It would be stupid for you not to come with me.”

“What about your job as delivery girl?” Tony’s voice took on more of a mocking tone than he intended.

“The universe has other plans for me, and they involve taking you to New York City.”

“Its too early for you to get all existential.” Tony frowned.

“Look, are you coming or not, because I’m ready to go.” She crossed her arms and waited for a response. “And I know you’re ready because you’re wearing everything you own anymore.” Tony shook closed his eyes, his head was at an amusement park, and too many of the rides were spinning rides. Some people were throwing up.

“Yeah, I’m coming.” Tony got out of bed, and followed her outside.

“You know how to get there?” he asked.

“Duh,” she smiled, sliding her cool sunglasses on. They flickered in the sun like kerosene lamps, a vintage light along with the stains on the windshield and the digital clock on the dash. She started the car. It bellowed like a yellow dragon.

They reached Colorado in a few hours, the brown of the desert rapidly transformed into the lush green and steely blue of the wine country near Fruita, just west of Grand Junction. May changed the tape several times as they drove, but once they got into Glenwood Canyon she put in Cat Stevens. Tony was in awe of the canyon around him and the water beneath. The road was built haphazardly against the canyon walls and there were tunnels blasted out of the face of the rock like clumsy plastic surgery. He got a weird vibe from the canyon, as though he were on another planet, looking at a road built with technology that didn’t exist. It was as though they were going to emerge into the plains looking at a domed city, like an alien moon was going to tear open the sky at any moment. May didn’t talk much while they drove, mostly she asked him about his life in L.A. He answered what he could but he was too nervous to start any conversation of his own. He wanted to ask her something about her family or her hometown, but he didn’t.

2. His eyes retort the atmosphere is hot

Civil twilight began in the canyon. Below them the black water ran against the dark green rocks as though erosion and coition were synonymous. Above, a blistered river of stars flowed slowly toward the center of the universe. Tony liked to think that they were headed upstream.

“I’m getting tired,” May said. “We could stop soon.”

“There was a sign back there that said Georgetown: fifteen miles…” said Tony, trying to look at a map. It was too dark.

“Hopefully there’s a motel there.” May gently turned the wheel around the curve.

“Probably there is.” Tony said, hesitating. “So why did you decide to take me in the first place, I mean besides just those existential reasons?”

“Those were real reasons,” she maintained. “I really believe that the universe does that sort of thing.”

“You mean like destiny, right?”

“Yeah… kind of. But it only sets up things… it doesn’t execute them. Like it set up this journey, but its up to us where it goes.”

“I see.” Tony said.

“You think its total bullshit, don’t you,” May frowned.

“I don’t think anything,” said Tony. “I think the whole time I was in L.A. I was looking for a reason to go, I just needed a push out the door. Maybe its as you say and that was the universe that set it up or whatever.” May bit her lip, glanced at Tony.

“Tell me about her. What was so special about her that you have to abandon your whole life?”

“She was special,” Tony said. “One of a kind.”

“Yeah right. Then why didn’t it work out?” May looked at him briefly, then back at the road. Tony bit his lip.

“I have my pathologies, you know.”

“So does everyone, but that doesn’t explain anything.” There was a weird glow over the ridge, a hazy orange.

“She’s too sensible,” Tony clenched his fist. “She left me without once raising her voice or telling me what was wrong with me. It was all about what was wrong with time, what was wrong with geography, what was wrong with the world. She made it impossible to get over her and impossible to get her back.”

“Sounds stupid to me,” May shook her head. “Just saying.” Tony didn’t think so. He had this image in his head of Sarah. She’s chewing gum; they are waiting for the elevator in their apartment building. Someone opened the door and the wind came in, and her hair moved through different dimensions. She looked over at him and gave him a half smile. Her sunglasses are darker at the top than they are at the bottom. This is his schema of her.

“It feels like a different life. Like that life is over and this is a new one.” Tony’s voice was flat, his eyes still looking at her sunglasses.

“That’s a good attitude.” May smiled. May exited the highway at Georgetown. The town was small, situated in a narrow valley next to a small reservoir. There was a teepee set up next to the bridge, a man sat outside next to a UV lamp. May stopped the car near it.

“What are you doing?” Tony whispered.

“Asking if he knows of a motel,” May responded. Tony got out.

“Hey! How are you doing?” May greeted him warmly.

“Senorita, nice to see you, yes.” The man said. His skin was leathery, like he’d gotten too much sun or he was related somehow to lizards. “Can I interest you young people in some mushrooms?”

“No thanks.” May said.

“Oh, you like peyote better?” he asked. “I’ve got that too.”

“What is peyote?” Tony’s eyes widened.

“Oh you kids must be into the synthetic stuff… I’ve got some LSD.” He dug around in a brightly colored backpack.

“No… thank you, we just wondered if…”

“Okay, I see what you kids are after. You are real smart, yeah. You want ayahuasca.”

“Who are you?” May asked. Tony thought he saw her eyes twinkle.

“My name is Hippo Critte, professional shaman.” There was a stereo in the teepee behind him playing Comus. “What brings you lovely people out to this weird corner of the galaxy?”

“We’re not sure.” May said, “we’re just travelers.”

“Very noble, very primal. I bet she can’t keep her hands off you once you get into that motel room. I bet she gives good road head. Man you can’t go on a long trip without good road dome,” Hippo’s teeth were suspiciously white, his smile suspiciously sincere. Tony and May did not look at each other, or make any sort of expression of any kind. No one gave anything away.

“Are you guys hungry?” Hippo said. “I’m a hunter-gatherer, or a freegan, whatever you prefer, but today’s catch was bountiful.” Tony was about to politely decline, but:

“We’d love that!” May sat down on a log near the UV lamp, which was a campfire. Hippo got out a plastic bag full of berries, a loaf of bread, and some cubes of cheese.

“There’s a fire, somewhere north of here. Whole forest is burning down.” Hippo explained as he passed them each a paper plate.

“That’s terrible,” Tony said.

“Its all part of the tragic and necessary rebirth.” Hippo dumped some berries on his plate, and pulled a piece of bread off the loaf.

“I hope no one gets hurt.” May mouthed a handful of berries, and chomped on them. Tony followed her example. They tasted wild and sweet, like honey and almonds. Hippo sat down next to Tony, so close that Tony could smell his breath. It smelled like a monster made of coffee grounds had excreted its waste into his mouth. It revealed a few things about him: he didn’t brush his teeth and also that he was addicted to caffeine.

“Let’s form a commune, tonight. You don’t have to pay for a motel, just sleep here with me underneath the stars,” Hippo suggested. Tony looked at May, dismayed.

“We don’t have sleeping bags…” May said for his benefit.

“I have a teepee!” Hippo said.

“It doesn’t seem very spacious.” May frowned, looking back at Tony for support.

“We’re a commune!” He insisted. May turned to him.

“Charles,” she said, facing Hippo. “Tex,” she swiveled to face Tony. Hippo and Tony both blinked at her.

“Its been a long day and we’d really enjoy a roof over our heads,” she finished. Hippo crossed his arms, shaking his head.

“Across the bridge, to your right, left up the hill, you’ll see it. Nice place.” He got up and put away some of the food. “Thank you folks for seeing me, you both have very strong energies. Like magnets, or Listerine.” Tony and May said their farewells, and headed to the motel.

“Remember, placebo is reality!” Hippo called as they pulled away.

3. There was a guy. An underwater guy that controlled the sea.

Tony woke up to May clipping her toenails into the trashcan. He smelled saliva; he had drooled on his pillow.

“What time is it?” asked Tony, trying to secretly wipe his mouth and conceal the drool pool.

“Its around noon,” she said. “I don’t feel like driving today.”

“Just like that.” Tony sat up and rubbed his eyes, “so are we staying here another night?”

“No. Think I’m going to drive all night.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea? Aren’t you afraid you’ll fall asleep?” Tony got up and looked out the window. It was Georgetown during the day; the canyon walls glittered in the early autumn sun. Aspens and pines clung to the hillsides like perpetual climbers, their branches intermingling with the cool mountain air.

“You forget; I live on the road. I’m good at it.” She finished clipping her toenails.

“Want to go for a swim?”

“I don’t have a swimsuit…” Tony said.

“Boo hoo. You have boxer shorts don’t you?” May opened the door to outside.

“Yeah… but.”

“There’s a pool out back, I”ll meet you there.” May closed the door. Tony mumbled to himself for a second.

“If you don’t go, then you are seriously lame.” Vincent said, coming out of the bathroom.

“That was docile compared to your usual remarks. Are you feeling okay?”

“I’m fine.” His sunglasses shone like twin suns, framing his face in a white-blue halo. “Go on, then.” Tony left the room. The mountain air felt good in his lungs, it made him feel much better. Yellow and violent wildflowers spotted the path in between mossy rocks. Some weird moth like creatures clicked angrily and hopped around. Tony got to the pool just in time to see May taking her shirt off. She slid out of her jeans and leapt into the water, splashing noisily. There was already a group at the pool, a few guys and a couple girls, they were playing The Pixies on a boom box. Tony noticed that they were all staring at May. He didn’t wonder why. Tony stripped down to his boxers (green plaid) and dipped his toe in. It seemed like it would be too cold. The edge and the bottom of the pool were covered in black dust. It smelled a bit burnt.

“What’s with the pool?” May asked one of the guys in the water. He held onto a beach ball sullenly.

“Ash,” he said. “There’s a fire up north.”

“That’s wild,” May smiled. “Where are you guys from?”

“Denver.” He responded. “You?”

“I’m from Utah, that that loser is from L.A.” May nodded her head toward Tony. Tony slid into the water, shivering a bit.

“Nice to meet you guys, you’re on vacation?” he asked.

“No, we’re just passing through.” Tony said. “We’re going to New York City.”

“That’s quite a trip.” He bobbed a little bit on his beach ball. “Well, I’m Kaufman, I’m here with Deacon and Mark.” He turned and pointed at them, they each smiled and waved.

“They are here with their girlfriends, Kylie and Betty.” He pointed at them too. They ignored him. Tony shivered some more in the water.

“So how’re you guys liking Colorado?” he never appeared to be looking at them, no matter what he was saying.

“I like it,” May said.

“I-70 is unbelievable,” Tony added. “the canyon…”

“Yeah, its neat.” Kaufman had a weird detachment to everything he was saying. “Some of these mountain towns are pretty creepy. We were up in Leadville the other day… they have a gallows.”

“Gallows?” asked May.

“Like, people are hung there.” Kaufman was dead serious and straight-ahead. Tony stifled a laugh.

“I think that’s illegal. “ May turned to Tony.

“I just don’t know how they’d enforce that,” Tony giggled. Kaufman finally looked at him. It was a look of malicious confusion. The water folded and spun like a pinwheel, the ash felt like sand and glass against his feet. The air around the water smelled like a barbecue where everyone was too drunk to cook. Kaufman began to tell some story about some wicked rock climbing, but Tony disengaged. He floated on his back and kicked gently to the edge of the water. Vincent splashed him and he sputtered.

4. This time, you’ve gone too far.

Denver glittered below, framed by rock walls and an arc of gray clouds. Peter Gabriel played on the radio. He was angry with someone. Evergreens flew by like they didn’t care, each one similar to the last. Tony was falling asleep in the passenger seat; he was beginning to experience a level of filthiness he didn’t know was attainable. The only smell in his nose was chlorine and ash, like someone had tried to light him on fire with cleaning supplies.

“Hey.” May turned to him.

“What?” he responded sleepily.

“Can you grab the map?” she asked.

“Why?” Tony rubbed his eyes. “We’re in Colorado, we just keep going east and we’ll get there eventually.”

“No it’s a little north,” she insisted. “I think we might have to go some other direction.”

“Why don’t you ask the universe?” Tony leaned against the window. “Maybe it’ll guide you.”

“Sorry, I didn’t realize you were such a jerk.” May said. “I’ll get the map myself.” Her words hit Tony like hockey pucks. He stopped her, and looked around for the map.

“I’m sorry, I guess I’m just dirty and grumpy.” Tony found it, and opened it. He felt ashamed.

“Well, try to be a little more self aware.” May said. “Otherwise I’m going to strand you somewhere where people are hung.” Tony narrowed his eyes. “And you won’t fit in.” She winked at him. Tony laughed.

“You have no idea what I’m capable of.”

“Whoa.” May rolled her eyes. “Do you see what I mean, from the map?”

“Yeah, looks like we have to get on I-76 in Denver.” Tony folded it back up. “You were right, cowgirl.”

“Cowgirl?” May crinkled her nose.

“You call me city boy all the time. Its only fair.” Tony sat straight up in his seat.

“I’m like the furthest thing from a cowgirl.” She rolled down the window. Her hair billowed like a thousand tiny electric eels. They caught the light of the digital radio display, a phantom-green glow that evoked images of flying saucers and towers on the moon. Until then she had seemed so terrestrial, so grounded. Now she seemed otherworldly.

“Be careful, friend.” Vincent eyed him from the bed of the truck like a fox. Tony shot him a look like daggers. Vincent shrugged.

“She didn’t care for you,” May said. “The girl, I mean. I’ve been thinking about what you said, about how she was too sensible.”

“I’m trying really hard to leave that behind…” Tony began, but May didn’t listen.

“No, if you love someone, those things don’t matter. She wasn’t ready, that’s all. She has to get her own things in order before she feels like she can fully commit to you… or anyone.” May turned to him, smiling. She felt as though she was lifting his spirits.

“She’s engaged,” Tony scratched his beard. “Only a few months after she left me.”

“Oh… well then obviously she didn’t love you… how could you care for someone like that so much?” May was getting frustrated.

“She called me and told me, apologized over and over again. She said he was just in the right place in the right time.” Tony’s voice was flat. It was difficult to remember.

“She sounds like a bitch,” May said. “She isn’t worth worrying about, Tony.”

“They guy she’s marrying. He’s a doctor; he’s got money and a nice car. It was the sensible thing to do.” Tony said. “I say fuck being sensible.” His heart was beating a little faster now. “I say I’m going on my own in my dad’s beat up Cadillac to a city I’ve never been and I’m going to find a way to make it.”

“Yeah!” May cheered. “Even if you don’t have your Cadillac anymore…” Tony smiled and closed his eyes. He thought he could hear his Cadillac in the distance.