Though we still feel winter's sting,
the reign of snow retreats.
The sun revives the dormant life
once hidden beneath.
April showers bring May flowers,
and that will come quite soon.
Until then, we wait in anticipation
and we sing this tune.
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140,135 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Hey just leaving a review! First I want to say that this poem is great. It is a catchy short poem that I can imagine being recited to kids as a nursery rhyme. I commend you on your word choice also. My only complaint is that after "April showers bring May flowers" the following sentence subtracts away from the flow of the poem. Although the flow picks back up after that sentence it is like a boulder was thrown into the way of your path. I would suggest maybe a rewording of the sentence but besides that it is great!
Hi, @pensive! Nice poem here. Beautiful use of rhyme and words.
I'd like to point out a couple nitpicks that I think could be changed.
This second line is shorter, compared to the one it rhymes to. I'd add a word in there to keep the syllables matched up. When I first read this, I found myself stretching out the word to keep the same rhythm and beat going. I wonder if there is a way you can change this from happening? Maybe something like this:
The sun revives the dormant life
which was once hidden beneath.
I just used a common word(s) that doesn't need to add information, necessarily, but fills in a syllable. I don't want to lose that rhyme! It's quite beautiful.
I feel like as would be better off suited for this line, instead of and. It then shows that you are singing this tune as you are waiting.
I love your use of vocabulary and rhyme! It is very impressive. My favorite line would have to be
It is very nice, and it kind of rhymes, too! You make this rhyming look easy, when in reality, it really isn't. Lots of rhyming is made by force. You did a great job. Sorry this review didn't have much to say; this poem was good!
~BlueSunset
P.S. Welcome to YWS!
Even though the "once hidden beneath" line is shorter, it has the same amount of syllables, so I decided to keep it in. Thanks for your review, though. I appreciate it.
Hey there, that's a sweet poem you wrote there. It's simple, precise and to the point, basically stuff that everyone can read. I could make out its inner meaning because of the symbolism you used there. The seasons have been used since time immemorial to express emotions, and they never seem to age. But, I think for this particular poem it could have been given a touch of sophistication just to fill that missing spot. Although the poem is a good read for all because of its simplicity but a hint or two of ornamentation would have taken it to another level. That's all.
Thank you:)