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"Until Then"

by pendr


*A/N: I would love title suggestions if you have any!*

.

When we meet

I know it will be

The best day of my life.

.

I will cry

And try to explain why

The tears won’t stop flowing from my eyes.

.

I’ll tell you thank you,

Simply for being you

And for supporting me in everything I do.

.

You’ve brought joy

Into the void

That was my empty and broken soul.

.

And seeing you grow

Is a blessing God has bestowed

On me as I walk this journey with you.

.

So I pray to Him

When the light turns dim

Because He proved life is worth living

By giving me

You. 


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19 Reviews


Points: 181
Reviews: 19

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Fri Nov 04, 2016 1:43 pm
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ghost223 wrote a review...



This is a really good depiction of love, personified into reality. You care very much for this unnamed character and it shows an inseparable bond. Never leave this person, keep them close to your heart always. A love like this doesn't come around to often. As far as the poem goes, I love the way it was written. Overall, very good...9/10.




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Points: 87
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Thu Nov 03, 2016 8:46 pm
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RMDott says...



I LOVE THIS. The way you write without using names allow me, the reader, to think of whomever i desire to imput. I insert my Dad, who fills this description perfectly. This is beautiful. Thank you so much.




pendr says...


Thank you, that was so sweet! I'm glad you liked it!



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48 Reviews


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Thu Nov 03, 2016 11:11 am
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Rosy234 wrote a review...



Hi, here with a review. I really liked the title, you don't need to change it (in my opinion) because it grabbed my attention. I like the rhyming scheme as it gives it a flow. I can see that there's a sort of journey that went on during this poem that may be there in real life. I really like your choice of words; it's different despite being so simple. Overall, I loved this, and keep writing!

~Rosy234




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117 Reviews


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Wed Nov 02, 2016 11:01 pm
Astronomer wrote a review...



Hello there, Pendr!
This is Moonwatcher here for a review!

I would like to point out that the poem is labeled as satire.

sat·ire
ˈsaˌtī(ə)r/
noun
the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.

I'm not sure if labeling this poem as satire was correct, and you may have been misinformed. I didn't really find anything satire about this poem, and this misleads the reader. This could even be taken as an insult, as the content of this poem appears to be religious.

I feel as if the beginning of the poem was really choppy when transitioning from one line to the next, and the entire poem was choppy when it came to transitioning from one stanza to the next. The poem just didn't flow very well, and it may have been the differing length of each line, or maybe the word choice.

You do a lot of telling, and not enough showing. This poem desperately needs originality, and I feel as if a lot of the stanzas are cliche things that the reader has already read before, making this poem not very memorable. Try to be original. As for the telling, and not so much showing, try using some imagery to express your feelings to the reader.

There's some subtle rhyming, and more of a slant rhyme, but personally, I don't really advise using it. My reasoning behind this is that it constricts the author's words and emotions, not letting them use the words that they may really want to use. This could block the author from being able to convey the feelings that they really want to express.

That's all I have to say about this poem. I hope this review helped you out, and have a great day! ^-^




pendr says...


Thank you for your insight. I will take this all into consideration. I did indeed have the wrong definition of satire, that was my bad!




Every empire tells itself and the world that it is unlike all other empires.
— Edward Said