Published December 17, 2011
I'm standing alone again
and singing this song once more
there something missing this time
i just doesn't seem right...
once more i'm standing in the cold
dreaming of your hold, thinking how your fingers fold
because once more i'm alone...
i still crave the look you never gave me
maybe its something i still have to find
when i see your eyes
so lost in my thoughts
don't even remember the pain of my heart's knots
my mind has your face
how you still hold your grace
staring at the sunset is easier than seeing the fog set
wrong if i am then help me correct
don't leave me as you fret
what she had i never did
a face of an angel, body of a swan, hair of a mermaid
but a heart of stone that stops in a beat's mid
run back to me and stay
never ever walk away...
use me as you will
and pull my strings for a thrill...
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Great piece
You should work to omit all "I" 's from the poem to strengthen it.
yeah i was listening to it and i typed it in
and i was like opps and then it kind of fit so i was like well red jumpsuit won't mind
This was good. Did you get the last few lines from Your Guardian Angel by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus?
Beautiful work, keep writing!
Wow, beautiful!
You have some stunning images here and your use of language conveys emotions very well.
I especially like this bit;
If you wanted to fine-tune it a little, just work on your punctuation - full stops, commas, semi-colons, ellipsis...
Punctuation is important in poems and songs because poems and songs work primarily on a rhythmical level. Punctuation is important in creating that rhythm.
If you're finding it difficult, read it aloud, concentrating on where you want your reader to pause, to stop completely, that sort of thing. Or you could always get someone else to read it!
Otherwise, very good...I love it!