Published March 26, 2009
I couldn't think of a name for the girl, which is why there are a lot of awkward she's and her's. If you have any suggestions for names, PM me with them but otherwise, please enjoy reading this and critique truthfully!
“Get your head out of the clouds girl!”
Her head snapped up. She had been gazing at a peculiar cloud formation when she dozed off. A strange memory poked the back of her brain as she tried to come back to reality.
“Why must you always be so inconsiderate? I talk to you and try to-”
She didn't hear the rest. She tuned out her mother, and her tired eyes wandered back to the sky. As she and her mother drew ever closer to their small cottage by the sea, the cloud, shaped like a dragon with no limbs or wings, but an odd dolphin tail, came alive in her imagination and danced around her thoughts and dreams like the moon around the Earth.
This is a very short tidbit, but I had to scribble it down as an idea before it went away. I did some editing.
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140,859 Literary Works • 673,695 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Hmm...this is a very intriguing piece that you've got right here. For something that's as short and simple as this one happens to be, its got quite a bit going for it I think. I do really like the vibe that you have managed to create here. It seems like such a short piece on the surface but there just seems to be so much more simmering underneath it all.
Diving in with a bit more detail, that section in the middle is very interesting. We get a rather tiny mention of this mother and the role that's played in this story, but there's this indication that maybe there's a little more to that than what meets the eye here especially in terms of the backstory which in this piece is only just barely hinted at.
Aand to end of there. I love the imagery in the last paragraph. It really showcases a powerful bit of imagination there and there's just so many questions it raises about what exactly its trying to do there. So, overall I think that we've got a pretty powerful scene here. Its seems to be the beginning of something quite powerful, and I can't wait to see where this may be headed.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
This so reminds me of Chihiro from the film Spirited Away. Right at the beginning when they are going to their new home and she is peering out the window. And (I don't know if you know the film) that ends up crazy and in this fantastical world! You never know where titbits or parts of ideas can lead you. I would definitely like to see you extend on this idea. I always find it incredibly exciting when I found a new set of characters for me to explore and a whole new world that I can get to grips with and experience. Which is probably why I like to come up with so many ideas lol
I'll be happy to help.
I managed to get a whole trilogy out just seeing a woman in the street dressed in a certain way. You give us such an insight into her mindset even with this tiny section that it just leaves me wanting to get to know her better.
When I am looking for names I use my two trusty baby name books lol I have a loose idea of what my character is going to be like and I just delve into the book and there is always a name that just jumps out at me. You can use internet sites that have baby names and their meanings
Let me know if you continue this! PM me if you have an questions or want any help expanding it
Bex x
I have to agree with Conrad that there are a lot of possibilities here and that you should never limit a character, at least one with potential, to something as basic as a handful of paragraphs though these are in fact very good and give a good view of your character.
Also, if looking for names, just look into your characters and search for words that really say something about there personality. Then look for name search resources like Behind the Name and search for names that have similar meanings.
Hope it was helpful.
This is a nice little tidbit. I do like the imagery in it quite a bit. Yet, unfortunately, that's all this is, a tidbit. Consider expanding on it. Any time you create a character, you open up the possibility for so much. Why waste it with just a few paragraphs like this? I do like the girl and her imagination especially. Featuring that in a story would be very good.
So, expand on this, pronto. It is a nice tidbit, it just needs to be added to before it can be really great. PM me if you have any questions. Good job, and good luck.
-Conrad Rice