I wonder the hallways of gossip.
There are words like her and he.
I hear comments and opinions in the hallways and feel sorry.
I know that words are like a fire to the heart.
On many days it seems endless and nothing can make it stop.
I don't join in even though I'm about to pop.
My classmates are as dandelions-slowly blown away and the tormentors are like the mouth blowing.
I see all of this happen to prey that are really unlucky.
Most of the time I can't think and it seems aimed at me.
When will happiness start? What are the prices to pay?
I pray and then wait, I had expected it to be over.
I can't give it my all, and sometimes want it to stop-just because.
I am as frightened as a mouse with a cat on its tail.
It feels horrible and it continues on.
These halls are my halls because it is filled with chatter and I am the one to blame.
That is only because I thought then spoke the same way.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,734 Reviews
Interesting. Try reading through it to revise it because I think it needs a bit of that, ok? Pretty good though!
Keep writing,
Alzora
Hi! This poem definitely has potential but I think there are a few ways you can make it better. Firstly, I think you mean "wander" rather than "wonder" in the first line. And secondly, some of your lines are a little long, which means it doesn't flow as well as it could. For example, the third line in the second stanza and the third line in the fourth stanza - if you were to just split them up into two lines each, or rephrase them so you say the same thing with fewer words, you could fix that. You use some good imagery, like the cat and mouse, and I really like your dandelion image. It just needs to have a bit more rhythm and flow.
I wonder the hallways of gossip. , comma instead. Add an adjective before or after the 'the',
There arewords like her and he. 'there are' seem really plain and are best left out. Also, add apostrophes around he and her like this: 'her'I hear comments and opinions in the hallways and feel sorry. , comma instead. add some imagery tothis
I know that words are like a fire to the heart. great imagery in this line
On many days
itwords seemsendless and nothing can makeitthem stop.I don't join in even though I'm about to pop. you mean the character feels the need to gosip, also? exploe this concept
My classmates are
asdandelions-(space)slowly blown away and the tormentors are like the mouth blowing. this line is really long and awkward. break it up and add imageryI see all of this happen to prey that are really unlucky.
Most of the time I can't think and it seems aimed at me.
When will happiness start? What are the prices to pay?
I pray and then wait, I had expected it to be over. use a different verb than 'pray'
I can't give it my all, and sometimes want it to stop-just because. don't overuse the dash marks
I am as frightened as a mouse with a cat on its tail. comma instead
Itthat feels horrible and it continueson.These halls are my halls because it is filled with chatter and I am the one to blame. comma
That is only because I thought then spoke the same way. TREMENDOUS ending! loved itttt
Good luck and keep writing!
-KatTrain
Wow. This is really good and when I read this, I thought about the hallways at my school. xD I liked it.