I stare at my image in the large dressing mirror, adjusting my outfit, making sure I looked exquisitely gorgeous. But no matter how many times I adjusted my peach color pleated skirt, and scrutinize my make-up, I still felt odd and out of place, I kept asking myself; ‘is this too much? Am I over dressed or under dressed? But no answer came from my image across me, she stared right back at me with the same skepticism as myself.
I face this indecisiveness every morning and practically every moment of my life, unsure of the decisions I make and steps I take. I know I confuse myself, but it is so difficult to make a choice when life has varieties for you. You do not know which will lead to your success and celebration or which will lead to your doom, but it is a risk that must be taken.
Well back to my early morning palava. I took the risk and stepped out of my apartment even in my uncertainty, and as I walked down my street, I noticed the stares and questioning looks of the people, like they'd just seen an alien, I felt my face flushed with embarrassment. Trust me, if you had to live your life according to people’s facial expressions, body languages, and opinions, you will not have a life of your own.
I held my head up high, decked up in my “Steve Wonder” sunglasses and strutted my stuff past the glaring, amazed and questioning stares of onlookers- but surprisingly, I was not dressed as a masquerade, neither was I dressed as a call-girl, all I had on was a long sleeve top tucked into a nice peach pleated skirt, just simple and yet this seemed strange to my unpaid judges. I kept my eyes out for an affirmative nod from street admirers and as if that would give comfort to my unsettled esteem- who is to say their words don’t carry a different meaning, rather than the desired ‘you look good’. Maybe I should have gone with a normal outfit that people are used to seeing, but is it not said- though not in these same words- that to be successful you should be different, don’t follow the crowd, create you own road, be it in the way you dress, you talk, your actions and charisma, in practically everything you do, because in a crowd where everyone wears green shirts on black pants, you wearing a pink shirt on camo shorts would be the super star- you do get what I mean right?
In the end, I decided to stick to the plan and not chicken out, because quitters are losers, since no one had the guts to walk up to me and tell me I look awful, or like a show monkey in a very bad costume, then I was perfectly gorgeous.
People would always feel they have the right to judge your actions, just like complaining about the speck in another’s eye when you have a huge log in yours. So it is up to you to decide how much you would have their thoughts and myopic opinions affect your existence. Take note, I am not saying suggestions and advices should not be given a fair hearing, no, my point is that, if you feel satisfied and comfortable in your skin and decision, then raise the banner high and declare independence of your free and uncontrolled life.
When I got to the office, I got the confirmation I wanted, it was that day I realized how many secret admirers I had- awesome what a little confidence can do- I guess for a day my confusion and subsequent decision did not lead me astray.
BY PEACE JASMINE
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,831 Reviews
Hi there! Pony123 here to make a review!
Nice job on your story here! I was immediately intrigued! I felt like the character was very realistic and you portrayed her nicely.
I agree with the other posters here, your sentences don't flow very well, and it breaks up the piece a bit. Also, read it out loud. It helps me a lot to work on sentence flow when I do that.
Nice Job!
---Pony123
I agree with the previous review this is a good piece but there is some cleaning up to be done.
I feel as though a few of your sentences do not flow as well as others. Trying reading it out loud a few times, but these are minor fixes
Hello! Welcome to YWS!
This is a really interesting piece. I like the way you've lingered on the descriptions and brought out the character's feelings and uncertainty in this. You've addressed something that everyone faces in their daily lives but tends to conform to people's expectations, and in the process, tend to lose that touch of individuality. I love how your character sticks to her preferences without paying heed to the opinions of other people. It's a strong message you've brought out here and you've written it in a wonderful way as well.
The only major mistake I found was that you tend to mix up the past and present tenses.
For example:
"I stare at my image in the large dressing mirror, adjusting my outfit, making sure I looked exquisitely gorgeous."
stare = present, looked = past
"But no matter how many times I adjusted my peach color pleated skirt, and scrutinize my make-up, I still felt odd and out of place, I kept asking myself; ‘is this too much? Am I over dressed or under dressed? But no answer came from my image across me, she stared right back at me with the same skepticism as myself."
adjusted = past, scrutinize = present, felt = past, came = past, stared = past.
I could find such a mixing of tenses all throughout the piece so I suggest you read through it once so that you can clean those up.
Also, in the second sentence that I quoted as an example, you've used a semicolon where it isn't actually required and the sentence seems a bit awkwardly worded. Maybe you could try rephrasing it.
For example, it could be something like: ...I still felt odd and out of place. "Is this too much? Am I over-dressed? Or maybe under-dressed?" I asked myself. But there was no answer..."
This is just a suggestion to make it flow better.
Overall, I really like what you've done here. It's such a simple instance in the character's life but holds such great significance, and the ending is great.
Good work, good luck, and keep writing!
Wow. This is a pretty cool peice that holds an awesome message. I like how you stated that opinions are important, but self-value is more important than other peoples opinions. The whole "speck in their eye whilst you have a log in yours," is also a really cool saying. I like that. It's so clever.
Skepticism is something people face a lot in everyday life, and many people who face the brunt of skepticism face it in their own mirrors. I love how you've described both this belief, and her cool outfit. Peach plaid shirts sound like a nice thing to wear to work, in my honest opinion. Haha.
I'm glad to hear you're continuing this, by the way. I look forward to reading more about "The Diary of a confused DID!" ^_^
Hope you have a nice day! Thanks for letting me read your work!
Hello, BookWolf here for a review!
I hope you have a great time here, and feel free to ask me if you have questions or need help.
First off, you have great description and you express your character's emotions beautifully. I'm already loving her personality and they way she decided not to pay attention to what other people thought of her. And there was only three mistakes I found.
like they just saw an alien, (Instead of 'saw' put 'seen' and make 'they', 'they'd')
body languages and opinions, (You need a comma after 'languages')
At the end, I decided to stick to the plan and not chicken out, (Instead of 'at' put 'in')
Wow, not much at all! Now, I would have preferred this to have been a little longer, but over all this is really great. And I must ask, are you going to continue this? If so, I can already see the potential.
Anyways, welcome to YWS!
Keep writing, best of luck!
~BookWolf
P.S. I LOVE the name Jasmine. <3
yes i am going to continue with this and thank you for your comments. I will put to mind these corrections