Once again I found myself not knowing how to respond to you. I can remember the last time I did this, only it was much different, we were face-to-face, not staring at a stupid screen. However right now, I would rather be texting you then have to face you.
It seems that every time you make me stumble is when you use the word friends. Could it really be that long ago that you asked if we were friends? I remember sitting in class when you turned around and looked in my eyes and as you asked such a simple question, I knew you meant more than what you had said. We both liked each other, that much was certain, but then what happened? We were so close to being together, every day when you walked me to my class, sat with me, joked with me, I thought, "This is going to be the day. He is going to ask me today." But that day wouldn't come. I felt like I was in the middle of a movie, at the climax, but someone had paused it and would not let it play. Everything was fine and we both seemed happy but then one day, it all stopped. It felt like the movie had started all over again. We didn't walk together, sit together, laugh together anymore. You became so distant and before I knew it, it had been three months since the last time you talked me.
Now, suddenly, time is repeating itself. I stare at your text message wondering how to respond. I'm so glad we are just texting, I don't want you to see me cry. Finally I know what to say, something so simple, just one word, "Yes." It seems so weird, seeing your same question from before written in a text, but this time it is so much different. This time I'm going to be careful. This time you are not going to take my heart until I let you have it. I know we can be great friends if nothing more than that. I haven't forgotten how I used to feel about you. I haven't forgotten all of the great times we had, but you are making it hard for me to tell....have you?
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,836 Reviews
I really enjoyed reading this piece. The thing that really kept me interested was comparing the situation to a movie. I really enjoyed that.
The only thing I think that I would change is putting the sentence "Finally I know what to say, something so simple, just one word, "Yes."" right after the sentence "This time you are not going to take my heart until I let you have it." Only because where it is kinda separated the fact that you read the message and then the comment you made on the message. I hope that made sense.
But other than that I really enjoyed this and would love to read more like it.
I used to write prose like this when I was in school and needed an emotional outlet, so I really enjoyed reading this. What I would do if I were you is harness the feeling in the prose and turn it into a story where the conflict revolves around their feelings and the speaker's emotional confusion. As it is, it is a little difficult to understand exactly what has happened in their relationship.
While I found it difficult to pick out a section that I thought needed to be rewritten, I would redo the last sentence:
"I haven't forgotten all of the great times we had, but you are making it hard for me to tell....have you?"
I found that a little confusing as to what the "have you?" was referring to, though upon further reading I realized the speaker is asking if he had forgotten. But since that is the last remark the reader is left with, something that leaves a bit more of an immediate impact would be better, I think.
Good post.
Hey, I like this little piece. It has a nice poetic feeling to it.
You need a comma after "however."
Put "friends" in quotations, like that. That way the reader knows it's the word being spoken.
This is kind of a long sentence, why not split it? "I remember sitting in class when you turned around and looked me in the eyes. As you asked me such a simple question, I knew you meant more than what you said."
Nice comparison. I like it.
Instead of "started all over again," I think something like "shut off completely" would work better, to emphasize the abrupt stop. I know "time starts over again" later on, but that's not evident yet.
That comma should be a semicolon.
Put a comma in between "friends" and "if."
That's all that I found. Nice work and keep writing!