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E - Everyone Language

We Aren't the Same

by pcwriting_1

We aren’t the same

We will never be the same

You and I, we’ve walked different paths

Society makes it so our paths aren’t the same

My path is filled with mountains to climb

And obstacles to avoid

While yous is a paved path to success

So, no, you don’t understand

You’ll never understand what it’s like to be me

Starting at a young age we are taught differently

I’m taught that if a boy hurts you in any way it’s because he likes you

While you're taught that you can get away with destroying someone

We could achieve the same things but it will always be harder for me

Unless you can accept that we aren’t equal

While I’m scared to walk alone

You own the streets

While I’m being harassed

You’re oblivious to the fact

While I’m being destroyed piece by piece

Your building your way to the top with my broken pieces

So no our lives aren’t the same

And will never be the same

The labels you give but never receive

Is because of the privilege that you created

And the opportunities you took from others

You play the victim, making us seem like villains

When we are the ones broken inside

They are torn down for being who they are

He is broken down because he was born a woman

She is torn apart because she was born a man

They are dying for being who they are

They are being torn apart for who they love

But they’re just like everyone else

We all have feelings and are human

We all have the things that make us different

But we can’t let that divide us

He couldn’t breathe but that didn’t stop you

She was asleep yet you still shot

He was chased down and shot yet they got away

George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and Ahmaud Arbery

They are all humans with feelings

Yet they were killed unnecessarily

They are dead while they stormed the capital

But they walked away free with little harm done

Millions of Muslims die in concentration camps

But we pretend not to notice

Cause we aren’t affected right

But that doesn’t matter

We can’t sit by and let innocent people die

We always try and find a scapegoat

But in the process, we hurt many innocent people

It needs to end

We can’t keep destroying each other

We can’t stand for the inequality in our society

It’s infected our school systems and so many other places

Our kids are being to in unequal environments

We are raising our kids in a society that isn’t equal

And that can’t continue

We can’t keep setting our kids up for failure

Sure they aren’t the same

And will never be the same

But that’s because everyone has a unique personality

Not that they look different or are the “weaker” gender

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103 Reviews

Points: 81
Reviews: 103

Tue Jun 08, 2021 7:42 pm
illy7896 wrote a review...

I loved this! The rhyming structure was amazing and how you've included it makes it really engaging, catchy and it makes sense as well. And the topic of overall discrimination is displayed perfectly and you have managed to capture every angle which is so effective in making the audience empathise with your point. It also kind of had a rap vibe to it but I think that's great in humbling the speaker and making them more relatable and like-minded and even down to earth.

The only suggestion that I could suggest is that maybe including more grammar could make this piece even more effective and heart wrenching: dashes, colons, semicolons all would fit very well with a poem like this. Additionally, I felt as if some of this poem could have been expressed in a more metaphorical way, and though it is very emotive, there are lines that are overused or there are references that could be implied through symbolism.

He was chased down and shot yet they got away

A line like this, though very powerful, could perhaps be tweaked or altered and shortened to display the same meaning but in a more insightful way: a bullet hole to the heart but a body left untouched. Of course, you do not have to use this example however I reckon that by shortening it and making it more concise, some lines could be even better than they already are.

Finally, maybe the last line could be altered to convey the whole theme of the poem which is equality. Although I loved it because it rhymed amazingly and it just really sent chills down my spine, it only represents one form of discrimination and maybe you could make it tie up with the whole poem.

Conclusively, I loved this poem and keep writing and is such an important topic and I agree with you 100%!

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58 Reviews

Points: 1962
Reviews: 58

Wed May 26, 2021 6:51 pm
Lezuli wrote a review...

Greetings! Lezuli here with a review for you.
Now, I'm going to start off by saying that poetry isn't my strong-suit so I'll only be commenting on grammar and things like that. :) That said, I quite liked this piece. You did a good job of making it flow well and your ideas were clearly expressed. It was easy to follow, but still image-inducing and thought provoking. So good job.
And now for the things I noticed:

While yous is a paved path to success

'Yous' here should be 'yours'.
Your building your way to the top with my broken pieces

The first your here should be you're since it is 'you are'.
Is because of the privilege that you created

This might just be me, but that 'is' seems out of place. You might want to try changing it to 'are' to make the sentence flow better.
Cause we aren’t affected right

You haven't really used commas or periods throughout the piece and without a comma, this sentence feels weird. So you might want to try either adding a comma or maybe re-writing it get the same impact.
Our kids are being to in unequal environments

I'm not sure what you meant by this sentence. I'm not sure if there's a missed word or maybe that 'to' is supposed to be 'taught' so it reads 'Our kids are being taught in unequal environments'.
And that's all I got!
I hope this is useful to you in some way! :D

Of those who say nothing, few are silent.
— Thomas Neill