We aren’t the same
We will never be the same
You and I, we’ve walked different paths
Society makes it so our paths aren’t the same
My path is filled with mountains to climb
And obstacles to avoid
While yous is a paved path to success
So, no, you don’t understand
You’ll never understand what it’s like to be me
Starting at a young age we are taught differently
I’m taught that if a boy hurts you in any way it’s because he likes you
While you're taught that you can get away with destroying someone
We could achieve the same things but it will always be harder for me
Unless you can accept that we aren’t equal
While I’m scared to walk alone
You own the streets
While I’m being harassed
You’re oblivious to the fact
While I’m being destroyed piece by piece
Your building your way to the top with my broken pieces
So no our lives aren’t the same
And will never be the same
The labels you give but never receive
Is because of the privilege that you created
And the opportunities you took from others
You play the victim, making us seem like villains
When we are the ones broken inside
They are torn down for being who they are
He is broken down because he was born a woman
She is torn apart because she was born a man
They are dying for being who they are
They are being torn apart for who they love
But they’re just like everyone else
We all have feelings and are human
We all have the things that make us different
But we can’t let that divide us
He couldn’t breathe but that didn’t stop you
She was asleep yet you still shot
He was chased down and shot yet they got away
George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and Ahmaud Arbery
They are all humans with feelings
Yet they were killed unnecessarily
They are dead while they stormed the capital
But they walked away free with little harm done
Millions of Muslims die in concentration camps
But we pretend not to notice
Cause we aren’t affected right
But that doesn’t matter
We can’t sit by and let innocent people die
We always try and find a scapegoat
But in the process, we hurt many innocent people
It needs to end
We can’t keep destroying each other
We can’t stand for the inequality in our society
It’s infected our school systems and so many other places
Our kids are being to in unequal environments
We are raising our kids in a society that isn’t equal
And that can’t continue
We can’t keep setting our kids up for failure
Sure they aren’t the same
And will never be the same
But that’s because everyone has a unique personality
Not that they look different or are the “weaker” gender
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
I loved this! The rhyming structure was amazing and how you've included it makes it really engaging, catchy and it makes sense as well. And the topic of overall discrimination is displayed perfectly and you have managed to capture every angle which is so effective in making the audience empathise with your point. It also kind of had a rap vibe to it but I think that's great in humbling the speaker and making them more relatable and like-minded and even down to earth.
The only suggestion that I could suggest is that maybe including more grammar could make this piece even more effective and heart wrenching: dashes, colons, semicolons all would fit very well with a poem like this. Additionally, I felt as if some of this poem could have been expressed in a more metaphorical way, and though it is very emotive, there are lines that are overused or there are references that could be implied through symbolism.
A line like this, though very powerful, could perhaps be tweaked or altered and shortened to display the same meaning but in a more insightful way: a bullet hole to the heart but a body left untouched. Of course, you do not have to use this example however I reckon that by shortening it and making it more concise, some lines could be even better than they already are.
Finally, maybe the last line could be altered to convey the whole theme of the poem which is equality. Although I loved it because it rhymed amazingly and it just really sent chills down my spine, it only represents one form of discrimination and maybe you could make it tie up with the whole poem.
Conclusively, I loved this poem and keep writing and is such an important topic and I agree with you 100%!
Greetings! Lezuli here with a review for you.
That said, I quite liked this piece. You did a good job of making it flow well and your ideas were clearly expressed. It was easy to follow, but still image-inducing and thought provoking. So good job.
Now, I'm going to start off by saying that poetry isn't my strong-suit so I'll only be commenting on grammar and things like that.
And now for the things I noticed:
'Yous' here should be 'yours'.
The first your here should be you're since it is 'you are'.
This might just be me, but that 'is' seems out of place. You might want to try changing it to 'are' to make the sentence flow better.
You haven't really used commas or periods throughout the piece and without a comma, this sentence feels weird. So you might want to try either adding a comma or maybe re-writing it get the same impact.
I'm not sure what you meant by this sentence. I'm not sure if there's a missed word or maybe that 'to' is supposed to be 'taught' so it reads 'Our kids are being taught in unequal environments'.
And that's all I got!
I hope this is useful to you in some way!