The road, the sky, the trees and the buildings
Rising all around me, and I can't see
How life could be
Without you.
They hold us down, and make us believe
That somehow what we feel is wrong.
But how is it wrong, when it feels
So right?
People stop, they tell us
What we can't do, what we can't say.
Did they never love?
Will they never know?
This love I feel, it won't stay down
No matter the pressure caving in from above.
It must be opened, I must
Express.
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Canary word: Present
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140,579 Literary Works • 673,529 Reviews
Thanks, guys. Edited.
Hiya, I’m lilymoore, your friendly neighborhood reviewer!
Firearris is definitely right. Punctuation is all that this poem lacks. Sometimes you have to look at the poem as if it wasn’t a poem at all but rather a bunch of sentences. Then you can see where things like periods and commas go. Then you can break it back up into stanzas and such.
That will most definitely improve this poem!
Good luck, paper!
Hello there, papersolstice! I'm Firearris (or Heather), and I'll be your reviewer tonight. =]
For the most part this is good. The poem itself is very good, and the only real thing that is bothering me is some lack of punctuation. You have punctuation in some places, but you are missing some commas and periods and such. Maybe go through it and see where it needs to be added, sometimes reading out loud can help.
Keep it up.
~Heather