Published August 29, 2011
Fuck it.
The penetrating stares
And the emptiness
Chewing at the heart,
Insanity reigns.
Fuck it.
Eyes are bleeding red
Lips chapped
With hands shaking.
Fuck it.
Scar upon scar.
Hidden in the shadows.
Fuck it.
I'm all alone.
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Canary word: Present
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139,448 Literary Works • 672,565 Reviews
hahaa, this made me smile :] well fucking done! ^^ the f word is powerful, but you can't abuse it and you haven't. It conveys emotion more than most other words and it's still frowned upon, but it's strong and it straight from the get go sets the atmosphere. You ain't no happy bunny!
I'm not sure if you planned it but the structure reminds me of a count down, from 4 lines, to 3, to 2 to 1, it's visually poweful not as words but just the shape of the body of text. At the end of the poem as well, you are alone, with the lone line. It reminds me of some of the metaphysical poets ( who you should check out, very beautiful yet tragic and emotional, a very underated genre ) who used shape to convey meaning, as well as their words. Very interesting.
Such a powerful poem! It's short, it's deep, dark ( which we all love ) and simple, yet at the same time, pretty comples. Again, well done for the shape of the text, even if it wasn't planned, it's just top for me ^^
Wow...Lots of anger and emotion displayed in this poem which could have been put to better use in a less offensive choice of language. First of all, this should have been rated higher than 12, with all the F*** words appearing more than twice.
About the poem structure, twas a bit confusing at first, you started with a couplet then it was three,two, and then one last line. A bit unusual.
Good writing, but I think the poem could be a whole lot better without using the f word, or you could just increase the rating to a more receptive reading age.