Published September 24, 2011
Two paths along the beach.
One leading away
To an ocean much more clear.
Then the footsteps leading back.
"Remember when" whispers in the trees.
All is lost in the sea of indecision.
The boat has crashed along the rocks
And the footsteps have been brushed away.
The wind pushes back
As the waves pull forward.
Soon, the hurricane will come.
And the decision will not matter anymore.
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Wow this is lovely. I wish you would do away with the authors note, though. It's clear what this is about and if you must keep it, place it in a spoiler. As for the images you evoke, they are lovely and clear. I particularly enjoyed the waves push/windpulls image.
I really missed the point of this. Leave it, but I would like some sort of explanation via PM if you wouldn't mind. What is the hurricane? I hope this wasn't just a matter of poetry for poetrys sake (this last line not the poem itself.) Because I really couldn't grasp why the decision will no longer matter. It almost deflates it a little.
Anyway I don't have much more to say, thanks for a lovely read.
JP
I absolutely love this poem. Your metaphor for what you are struggling with makes perfect sense, and can really be taken several different ways.
Your poem has a very clear beginning and a clear direction. Right from the beginning, you can tell that the speaker has a very difficult decision to make, and it makes the reader want to read on and find out what exactly those choices are.
Your imagery here is great. I could picture it in my head really well. I might put a question mark after "remember when" since it is, after all, a question. I can really see those trees with a soft breeze blowing. Very nice!
I think this is really the turning point of the poem. At this point, the person is forced to make a decision, and you know that no matter which choice they make, there will still be regret.
In the first stanza (of the quoted portion) shows the sort of internal and external conflict the person is experiencing. They want to continue on, but at the same time the past is trying to pull them back.
In the second part, you reveal a very real truth that everyone experiences. If you linger in making a decision, it will no longer matter what you chose; it's already too late. It leaves me feeling a little sad, but it's still amazing.
The only stanza I didn't really completely understand was this:
It doesn't really flow as much as the others, in my opinion. But that might just be me. I'm a little confused as to whose footsteps they are. Were they already there? It is a path, after all. Or do they belong to the person trying to make a decision?
Overall, this was really good. Keep writing!
~Devan
Quite true. I think that this what everyone goes through at somepoint in their life. I love the ending by the way, because no matter which we choose we always end up getting pulled forward like it or not. I must say that this fact of life (for want of a better phrase) has been captured quite beautifully in your poem.
I really enjoyed reading this. It really made me think, and it also had a great ending.