Grounded for LIFE
Monday, October 8th
I am dead serious when I say that my family is made up of a bunch of Circus freaks! Mom is always having a cow over something I do or wear. Dad is never home and my little sister is always destroying everything I own (maybe it’s because she’s only three years old, but I still hate it). Mom is still the worst though… I like to call her the psycho rabid squirrel because she is all crazy and evil like that. I guess that’s what I get for being her daughter. I just have to try and get out as much as possible.
Today I had a run in with the weather. I was almost back to the school when it just down-poured! I was drenched from head to toe and my eye liner ran down my cheeks making me look like a sad wet raccoon. I slumped into the classroom and sat down by my ever so bubbly friend, Anni, who gave me her ever so bubbly grin. My look in return was one of complete concern. That grin meant something was up. Sighing, I shivered and mouthed “what now??”
In return she just sat and held that grin. I rolled my eyes and she winked back. Laying my head on the desk, I yawned. The morning had been exhausting with the whole bet I made with Anni and I knew that once everyone found out they would look at me differently. Not that I cared, being the kind of person they classify as goth or something like that (I call it normal…). Anni and I both were under this classification of misfits. People are bizarre… Oh well… Not like I care (in my time, I’ve done a lot of not caring). Anyway... I know the bet is going to get me in trouble, but it’s not like that will be a first or anything.
The teacher kept going on about cellular structures or something like that so I popped in my earbuds and turned on some Def Leppard. I like Def Leppard. They have go to be one of the only good things that came out of the eighties, that and tube socks... Anni loves tube socks... weird right? Ttcht. Yeah... I think so too.
The rest of the day went all himmhummy like normal. That means seven hours of sleeping through classes and such (actually... I was only in school for three hours, but it felt like the normal seven).
Monday night @ home
Rang Anni and chewed her out for getting me to do something so stupid. Yelled, “Why you gotta be like that?” and I believe her response was something all like, “Huh?” She just irks me sometimes. So I yell back, “Like that!” And what does she say? Yeah, “Like what?” See what I mean? So I hung up on her.
Five minutes later I ring Anni again. This time I say, “Wanna come over?” And she says, “Are you going to hurt me?” I laugh and sorta accidentally kinda snort... Then I say, “No. Why would I do that?” Sucker. She falls for it and says, “Be there in five!”
Five minutes later. Anni rings the doorbell and I let her in. We go up the stairs and about halfway up I give her a shove and she falls on her face. I do the laugh snort thing and walk around her. I am such a nice friend.
Monday Night in My Room
We paint our nails like girls do... BLACK! Yay black! Here’s the conversation over painstaking strokes of black nail polish:
Anni- “You lied.”
Me- “No I didn’t.”
“Uh... Yeah you did.”
“TTCHT!”
“You said that you weren’t going to hurt me.”
“My fingers were crossed.”
“That’s cheating.”
“Cheaters always win and winners always cheat now don’t they?”
“No it’s the other way around.”
“Oh my bad. Winners always cheat and cheaters always win.”
“Ugh! Never mind.”
“See? I win. And according to you I cheated, so I’m right.”
“N—“ she was cut off by a loud crash in the hall. I fell off my bed and spilled black nail polish all over my beige carpet.
“DAMMIT!” I screamed really loud as someone came crashing through my bedroom door. I spun on the spot and looked them in the face. It was my mom. I never thought the day would come when the rabid squirrels invade, but it was here. Her hair was basically on end and she looked madder than a mad cow. I think she found out what I did this morning.
I looked at Anni, who only gave me a desperate glance in return. I turned back to my mother who was obviously waiting for me to speak.
“I swear Mom. This was all Anni’s fault.”
Tuesday, October 9th
I am officially grounded for the rest of my life.
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Canary word: Present
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: Well this seemed like a highly exaggerated little short intended mostly for laughs especially with the way that the mom is described in this one and I think in that sense it does a really good job (if that was not the intention then uhh...its a little bit too much silly descriptions for it to be taken seriously). It was a pretty fun little plot that I think was done fairly well.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well that is certainly a very attention grabby opening paragraph. It seems a little bit exaggerated but then I think with the point of view that you are going for that is definitely quite appr
You're definitely capturing the essence of a slightly exaggerated piece only for humor here with all that repetition and comparisons. They definitely cracked me up pretty good.
Well that definitely is a bad idea to do in the middle of class.
At this point its slightly confusing exactly what she is referring to. I am assuming its the music thing but it isn't very clear and that is not a good way to write a conversation. You need to break a new paragraph everytime a different speaker talks.
Classic.
Oh dear that is quite the description that you have there.
I love the use of a single line paragraph as the ending. Definitely has that nice sense of a really dramatic ending.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall you've written a pretty good piece here. The vocabulary and the formatting lends itself fairly well to making this story leave an impact and leave you laughing your head off especially at the end. Great Job!!
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Don't mind but this whole paragraph was a disaster. So boring and I had no idea what was going on.
Oh! I loved this last surprise. Would love to see where it goes.
I didn't have any idea why the girls were fighting. I liked the grounding part only in th whole piece.
i didn't understand what was going on... the ending caused my eyebrows to knit in utter confusion. try clarifying things. i do like how she always says tctch, or however you spell it.
Hello,
I am just here to let you know that we ask you to do two reviews before posting any of your work. We like to keep a 2:1 ratio of reviews to posts.
Thanks!
OverEasy