Published October 26, 2006
They say life is what you make it,
But what if you only fake it,
The insults they throw, you sit and take it,
And the feeling inside, you can not wake it.
So live your life, and live it real,
Life it with truth and live it with zeal,
'Cause one life is all you get,
And no one has a safety net.
Then one day, all wounds will heal,
And you will learn to deal,
With all those people you have met,
And discover life, ever yet.
Help please!
Tell me if it's good and give advice. Can I make something of this?
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I did like the message although I think it is probably one of those poems which could be more effective without rhyme. With a bit of work I do think it could be a good piece of work though!
It seemes like you tried just a little to hard with the ryhming. I also agree with what emotion_less said, it sounds like a poem that you would see on a poster.
Somehow you need to make it your own.
it's not exactly something i would call in-depth and personal... seems much more like one of those poems you see on a poster.
the first thing i have to say is be more specific. you have really general and broad ideas here, which is all right, but it makes the poem feel like just another poem.
second, make it personal. make it something from you. not something that anyone could just throw together. that's a big problem i had with it... it was a little stiff because there wasn't much of your style and flavor in it.
i hope this helps.