The chains on pearly white
are gone, poof, disappear,
allow my teeth to take flight,
The orthodontist did right,
make the pearl squares adhere,
to metal wires so tight.
Glove-clad hands fight
into my mouth through the fear,
unwinding chains like the string of a kite.
My mood is dark like night,
as they tell me the end is near,
my disbelief turned spite.
But lo and behold, the light,
removing my traintrack's rear,
setting my teeth right.
My liberated teeth fight,
just trying to see or hear,
emerging oh so bright
to take on the world's might.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey there
I see nothing wrong with this at all! So it needn't much reviewing, I will say that this was certainly an interesting topic to write on for poetry, and a risky one at that. But you did a lovely job and it came out much nicer than I think anyone may have previously expected, I could almost smell those scented gloves that the orthodontist's have, feel the rubber of it on my teeth. I hated braces, and they certainly were relieving to finally have removed. Well done, keep writing!
I don't have much of a review for you as I really can't find much wrong with this at all - but I really wanted to tell you how much I like it! As a poem, it flows well and makes your point really clear, and the topic is unique and the poem is just very quirky and individual.
I love the dramatic yet completely true way you've described everything in this poem. Keep writing - I'd love to read more.
~MorningMist~
Oh I have experienced that feeling before! I laughed at this poem. such a great topic! Hey painting, dogs here with your review today. I really loved this piece which is why I awarded it a "like". It flowed well and it was really funny and rather liberating lol. Because this is more of a comedic piece I really don't know how to critique it because I really don't know anything about them sorry to say. But I liked this piece, KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!
TuckEr EllsworTh