Published May 21, 2010
Yet again, I'm up too late
doing nothing specific, just lying awake.
I try to force sleep to overtake me.
I stare at the clock as it strikes five,
and wonder Why I am so sleep-deprived.
I start to feel as if the world is out to get me.
Another long day, after a sleepless night.
Understanding is lacking when it comes to my plight.
Insomnia is my master, and I struggle to fight it.
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140,191 Literary Works • 673,040 Reviews
Hello
This is a great believable poem. It is simple and I like it. I like how you described your actions and your rhyming technique.
I just adore this line.
I can definitely visualise what you are going through in this poem, staring at the clock and stuff. Good stuff; but I am not sure of the title though, even though I can't come up with any suggestions right now.
Hello originalhobbit
I like your piece. It's rather interesting portrait. I would like to point out that to m it's only a image, not a story, and although I can feel there is a lot of thought on emotion behind it, it does not really go anywhere.
My favorite line is
because it really sums up the mood of this poem, the frustration and angst that insomnia brings up.
I think you could also show and not tell so much. your telling us how you feel, show us how you feel.
Describe the visual effect of insomnia (bags under eyes, sickly complexion etc) as well as sight sound touch, etc.
Also the sentence
"and wonder Why I am so sleep-deprived."
should mean
"and i wonder why am so sleep-deprived'
or
"and wonder "Why am I so sleep deprived""
In conclusion, good work.
You've made a good and interesting portrait of insomnia that captures a lot of emotions in few words, which is what I believe poetry is all about.
Verawinters