Published May 10, 2010
I feel it growing, waiting to come out.
I avoid it, deny it, totally ignore it,
until it can hardly be controlled.
Then the words come out, the accusations,
like a tidal wave.
I will come to regret my actions,
but now I just have to lay out the blame.
Jealousy turns my tongue sour, almost shuts down my brain.
Now you are ashamed of me and I start to feel the same.
I'm suddenly the enemy, making a scene without a stage
Trust is gone from me completely,
I'm forced to admit hypocrisy.
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139,650 Literary Works • 672,643 Reviews
hello there!
Anyway, keep up the good work.
I really like this. It's like the poem itself is growing more of emotions as I read the more and more. It's kind of emotional. It had a smooth good flow. I can feel the guilt all over the poem.
Peace out!
Nice poem, it makes me feel like I am speaking this. Because this is how I feel when my more worse emotions get the best of me. Keep writing.
-M.H. Darling.
I like how you described jealousy in the first stanza without stating it directly, and then stated it in the last line of the second, but I think the "almost shuts down my brain" part does not fit. It also has an approximate rhyme with "blame" which, because there are no rhymes elsewhere in the poem, makes the line sound off.
The third stanza was very weak. I liked the scene and stage metaphor, but I think you could expand a bit more on the effects of jealousy. Right now, it just ends the poem too abruptly and without any sense of closure. The word "hypocrisy" also seemed to come out of nowhere seeing as how the rest of the poem is in more common terms.
this poem is nice but not overly amazing. It was a little hard to follow with all the words running together. I think you should consider putting it in stanzas.