Published May 30, 2010
My guard is always up,
it's true,
but that's only because I've been trained that way.
I can never let things in too deep,
or they might burn me.
I'm afraid.
If my tears ever breath,
for even a second,
I'd hide away until they died.
They'd never see the light of day.
I have one reason behind all my ways,
it's simple, plain as day.
I need my walls,
standing high and wide.
they're designed to guard me from all of you.
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Hey,I think that you capture the feeling of having to wear armor to protect yourself from everyone else. Others on here have said that this poem lacks emotion, and it does, but that suits this poem. It shows how utterly unemotional you become when you keep all things to yourself. I don't know, but I guess that you really have to experience the way of life described in your poem to really understand it. Though if you are trying to reach a more general audience then you would have to put more emotion in it in order to force them to feel the same thing.
Hello there
I really think that this poem lacked a lot of emotion or good execution. It is a great idea and I totally get what you are going for, but it was not believable. Maybe there is a wrong arrangement of words. You know, as soon as you said
You know, follow it up with a line gripping and the stanzas to follow.
Yeah, this line is just not written well and so it ends the poem on a disappointing note. I cannot come up with suggestions right now. I think you should think of other ways to put this.
I liked this stanza amidst the whole 'lacking emotion' thing from my opinion. I liked how you personified tears. Good.
I think it is a great idea to write about having your guard up all of the time and I agree with LastPaladin on reading more poetry, maybe you can grasp something and use it on developing this poem. Keep writing
Ziggie
Hello I'm LastPaladin and I'll be your reviewer, this here just blasts 'show don't tell' to the moon of all places. As you begin rather haphazardly with a cliche line
'My guard is always up'
Never heard that one...
And from there you just tell us everything but never really makes us feel, you try to be metaphorical but this falls flat, as it's apparent that it's overall prop is lopsided or onesided. You, clearly never realized how powerful it is, as it can be just as good masks, if used correctly, but instead we get the tired emotions of explaining why. But never really feel like we're surrouded by walls. You have so many chances here but never exploit you just tell us everything.
And it's where this falls apart you tell us everything, forcing us out. And because of this it comes off rather more than a blog entry confessing your secrets. It never comes across as a poem, even though it's in stanzas and it tries to seem like a poem it still screams out what it truely is.
My advice here is read more poetry and you'll begin to see how well you can use this prop.
Hope this helps.