Once there was a house,
Pink roofed and cracked walls within.
The path twisted and turned,
The fence splintered passers by and the chimney never worked.
One there was a girl,
Pink cheeked and cracked walls within,
The mind twisted and turned,
The tongue splintered passers by and the smile never worked.
It called, take away my plaster and boards,
Leave me bare, leave me bare.
She cried, take away my heart and soul,
Let me free, let me free.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
The repetitiveness in this was painfully obvious and it sort of restricted the poem. It seemed to cut off in mid-thought, too. The girl-house relationship seems to not be working out right now. I think you should try the same method in a different wording, because it doesn't seem to flow as it is.