Panda, Panda, shining bright
In the stillness of the night,
You sit there eating your fresh bamboo,
Wondering why the world is so blue!
In what distant memory
Have you seen such pure peace?
We haven’t had it in a while!
We need something to make us smile!
Something to make all war cease,
We need something to encourage peace!
Why not go and pray to God that one day,
One day soon, He will come and save!
We just have to trust and hope,
There is no time to try to cope!
We need to pray and help somehow,
Quit looking around and think of now!
Panda, Panda, shining bright
In the stillness of the night,
You sit there eating your fresh bamboo,
Wondering why the world is so blue!
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
First of all:
This might sound a bit off but....since when do Panda bears shine?
I thought the "message" was good, and meaningful, but otherwise the poem was kind of dull for me... I like poems to make me feel something, and I really didn't feel anything from this. And the use of the exclamation points were...overused, I think. You were talking about war and all that and yet it sounded cheery.
This is sweet, i like it. However, i think you should use less exclamation marks as they take away some of the meaning behind the words. Good work though, keep it up!
I like this. It's simple yet quit meaningful in some ways.
There was somthing about this part that Ididn't like, maybe it was the repetition of the 'one day' or something... it just didn't seem to flow right.
Apart from that, it was pretty good. You can still play aroun with it alittle tho.
Keep writing
Awwww. That was really sweet and it certainly has some good ideas, you just need to work a little with your structure and try to use more elaborate language and more unusual description. I think 'pure peace' is used a lot (But then I have been known to use it in my own poems too) Overall, I think it's a really good start and the first two lines are very nice.