I'd like to think I've improved since then, though I suppose I'm the best judge of that seeing as most of my poetry I've posted on here is rather old...I'm working on my novel, therefore not writing much poetry.
Snow falls on our hats
In a silent, glowing world.
We raise our arms skyward
To feel the burning cold on our bare hands.
We find it funny that our movements
Fit together perfectly,
And we shatter the silence
With a glittering gemstone:
Our laughter echoes through the city,
And the world comes alive in our eyes.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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Ooh, this is really nice! Good use of adjectives, good flow.
I espeically like the last lines, how the world comes "alive in our eyes".
Beautifully done. <3
I was trying to kind of make it seem like the laughter was the glittering gemstone that shattered the silence, but clearly if I need to explain that I need to work that out...
Thanks for the comment though!
Snow falls on our hats
But besides that the poem was absoloutely wonderful! So mystical and full of love and cuteness.. of something of that nature.
In a silent, glowing world. - nice adjectives.
We raise our arms skyward
To feel the burning cold on our bare hands.
We find it funny that our movements
Fit together perfectly,
And we shatter the silence
With a glittering gemstone: - How did this make sense? Literal or metaphor? Do you mean "Like a glittering gemstone?"
Our laughter echoes through the city,
And the world comes alive in our eyes.
Aww. That was so sweet!! I just didn't get the glittering gemstone part
You're a great writer! Keep it up!